Where to find a lot of new friends. How to choose places and learn to distinguish people with whom you can build friendships

In the photo: Even one acquaintance can incredibly change your life and turn it into a fairy tale - as happened with Ben Stiller’s hero.
(Still from the film “The Incredible Life of Walter Mitty”, 2013)

Communication is the exchange of experience, knowledge, thoughts, feelings, and without it it is impossible to know either the world around us or oneself. Without communication, “sensory hunger” arises—a lack of impressions, information, and emotions. How to learn to communicate and expand your circle of friends? Angela Kharitonova, a practical psychologist, will tell you.

I recently moved to Tula. I live alone, setting up my own business. For the first time I encountered the lack of communication. Life follows the work-home route. Communications in in social networks I miss it, and I don’t know how to make new friends and acquaintances as an adult. I'm also a little shy around strangers. For my business I need to expand my circle of contacts. Tell me how to do this?

Anton, 32 years old, Tula.

Interference in communication

The paradox is that there are a huge number of people in the world, the population of Tula is almost half a million people, yet many people manage to remain lonely and suffer from a lack of communication. The whole problem lies in the limits we set for ourselves. If you delve into your inner world, you will probably “dig up” many beliefs that limit you in communication.

The most common:

• If I talk to a stranger, they will think that I am intruding (I have problems)
• You cannot look into the eyes of strangers (or barely familiar ones) or smile “for no reason”
• I don't look very good, it's unlikely that anyone will be interested in me
• After 25-30 years it is impossible to find friends at all, all friends from school (university, work, etc.)
• I am a serious person, frivolous communication is not for me
• To get to know a person and become friends, you need to comply with many norms and rules
• It’s better to pretend that I’m busy all the time and don’t need communication

That's it - the circle is closed! You are serious, busy all the time and “sit in your shell.”

What to do?

Analyze all your limiting beliefs; your parents or grandparents probably told you all this. Now the rules are completely different: it is fashionable to be open, sociable, make new friends and new contacts. New popular direction no-

working talks about this. Networking is about making many new interesting and useful contacts, as well as “necessary” connections. Your social circle becomes wider. Your life is full of new colors, you receive a lot of emotions and new information. But not only. With the help of a large circle of acquaintances, you can solve many problems, both work and personal. This is also true for those who have not met their soul mate. If you are running a business, then you will be interested in meeting people who may be interested in your products and services.

Many successful people They take networking very seriously. This direction is based on the theory of “six handshakes”. According to it, every person knows every other inhabitant of the planet (even the Queen of England) through a certain number of mutual acquaintances, a kind of chain, which on average consists of five to six people.

How to become a successful communicator

1. Tula hosts many interesting events every week: festivals, concerts, creative meetings, presentations, business lectures, trainings, games, etc. Make a plan for yourself, what events you will attend and how you will receive information about them (for example, on certain websites or social networks). By subscribing to news from different interesting groups, you will receive invitations to various meetings, including free ones.
2. Pay attention to your appearance, clothing style, image, because the rule “you are greeted by your clothes...” has not been canceled. It will be much easier for you to meet people if you make a pleasant impression on the outside. If you don’t know what you need to create an attractive image, ask your friends and colleagues. It’s always clearer from the outside! We get used to ourselves and sometimes don’t notice obvious annoying shortcomings in appearance.
3. Learn to smile at strangers, ask questions or ask for help. Do this exercise: every day 5-10 smiles in a store, at a bus stop, in any public place. If this is too easy for you, try saying to a stranger something unplanned, informal.
4. Practice feeling people. This is done through looking into the eyes (it is not necessary to look for a long time, you can look away). For example, on a bus, in a queue, looking at a person, try to determine what his character is, what he wants from life, what field he works in, what kind of family he has. You can mentally “give” him what you think he is missing. If a person’s state changes (for example, he smiles or somehow shows his activity), consider that you have hypnotic abilities!
5. Prepare your business cards in advance. Even if you are the most ordinary person, you can always figure out what to write on a business card. After all, you have hobbies - cycling, swimming, fishing, fashion, etc. You can come up with any club or community and reflect it on your business card.

Making acquaintances

1. Be positive, smiling and open. Come up with a short self-introduction. Let’s say, “Igor, I fix laptops and any equipment” or “Ivan, I just good man».
2. At each event, make two or three acquaintances and exchange business cards. Do not try to immediately arrange a meeting, cooperation, sell something, etc. Later, you can call and make an appointment.
3. Find people you can connect with common interests, topics for conversation.
4. Try to do something useful for the interlocutor, but only if you have been asked to do so - unsolicited advice is often annoying.
5. It is not necessary to shine with intellect or humor, it is enough to simply listen to the other person and be sincerely interested in him. And you will become the best interlocutor for this person!
6. Maintain the contacts you make. Sometimes call, meet, communicate on social networks. But don't be intrusive.

Today we will talk about how to make friends. You may have read Dale Carnegie "How to Win Friends and Influence People". If not, then you definitely need to do it.

It was written many years ago and has received public recognition. I’ll say right away that not all advice is suitable for Russia, after all, it was written abroad, this is a slightly different society, but nevertheless it is included in the list of books for mandatory reading for everyone who is interested in psychology and wants to learn how to build relationships competently.

For the rest of my readers, I can offer a brief tour of the main points and a little useful tips, which will help you establish strong friendships with others.

If you find yourself in a new city or simply need to meet new people, the easiest way, of course, is to make friends at work. This is the simplest thing you can think of. Invite a coworker to have lunch or walk to the parking lot together. At this time, try to start a friendly conversation on abstract topics and find common ground. Don’t be afraid to repeat the invitation or next time offer to go to a bar together if you like the person and you feel the same way.

I agree that you don’t always like the team, and you don’t always have similar interests. There is a successful one that will immediately help you find common ground. What I mean?

Do you have any hobby? You may be able to make many new friends at school to study in English, programming, playing the guitar, dance class or yoga classes. People tend to make new acquaintances with interesting people, in such establishments. There’s nothing stopping you from asking a new friend to go for coffee or a walk after class.

To make your task easier and find someone truly interesting to you, you can join a community for which discussions are a mandatory and natural part of the training program. For example, a club for dog lovers or literary circles.

Think about what you could do with other people. Perhaps you have a hobby that you would like to develop. Kill two birds with one stone - make new friends and... There are a lot of offers today.

What to do

Taking the first step towards friendship is quite difficult. We are afraid of seeming intrusive or being rejected. The main thing here is. Throw a random phrase at a person and see how they react. If he doesn't want to talk to you, then the best way will look for someone who is more inclined to communicate. In this case, you will avoid a lot of trouble. Why break into a closed door?

Don't be afraid, the world is full of positive people who will be happy to make friends with you. You will immediately see when a person is interested in it. Several attempts always result in an equal number of successes and disappointments. The main thing is to try, continue, try. Almost every person strives for new acquaintances and many experience discomfort during the first communication.

I met one very good one on the train. For 40 minutes we discussed the fence, which did not end. Even now we remember this with laughter. She, like me, admits that she wanted to make a new acquaintance and we both understood the nonsense of the topic being discussed, but since there was nothing more suitable, we spent a long time exchanging stupid guesses about why it was so long and why it stood in the middle of the forest.

The desire is important, and if it is there on both sides, then the methods, methods and topics are not so important. You will immediately notice the person's attempt to help you. Be the initiator and very soon you will get what you have wanted for so long.

OK it's all over Now. See you again and don't forget to subscribe to the newsletter.

Greetings, dear readers!

The question of how to make friends in different life situations does not bother us until we ourselves are faced with this problem. But there can be a lot of reasons for looking for people with whom you are comfortable and interesting:

• these are personal attitudes and peculiarities of perception of the surrounding reality;
• these are character and personality traits (isolation, excessive modesty, complexes);
• This includes a change of place of residence - moving to another city (country, region);
• change of school, job, usual team;
• new environment, social environment;
• these are both life circumstances and unforeseen situations;
• This is a change of interests or priorities, a change in life views.

You never know what else could happen to turn the search for new friends from a natural process and a self-evident fact into a real problem!

To be fair, it should be noted that not every person needs friends, in the traditional sense. But at the same time, none of us is immune from loneliness in any form.

And maybe that’s why we’re so interested in whether there are ways to make friends at a conscious age? And how strong is such a friendship?

But be that as it may, making new friends is, first of all, communication. There is no need to be afraid to take the initiative, offer your services and assistance, or seek help and advice yourself.

Life is too multifaceted and unpredictable. Perhaps yours best friend I’m also reading this article now and dreaming of making new friends.

Good luck to you!