The quarrel does not ring. You can't quarrel, you can't make peace! Conflicts in love and family relationships

To collect material, I interviewed 2,000 men and 2,000 girls and women who were in love or family relationships at the time of the survey. Each of the respondents was asked the following three questions:

Question No. 1.

Question No. 2. When do you feel most irritated if your partner stubbornly refuses to call you first?

Question No. 3. When do you feel the greatest sense of satisfaction, respect and gratitude for your partner if he/she is the one who calls first and offers to make peace?

The wording of each of these questions has a certain meaning, which will become clear to you when you read those chapters where the results of surveys of male and female audiences will be analyzed.

In this chapter, we will analyze with you the data that was obtained by summarizing the survey results for question No. 1. An analysis of the survey results on question No. 2 will take place in the next chapter, “How to avoid falling into the “exclusion zone.” And understanding the results of surveys on question No. 3 in Chapter 17 “How to behave during reconciliation with a loved one.”

And now I remind you: In this chapter we will try to squeeze the maximum conclusions and generalizations from the answers of men and women to question No. 1. Since the author will try to make sure that all of them have the maximum practical significance for readers, all five generalizations contained in the chapter will be built as a complex of several useful tips. However, this chapter will also not do without our traditional practical recommendations. I hope my dear readers will be satisfied...

Results of a survey of men on question No. 1

To question No. 1, “If you decide to make peace and call first, how long after a quarrel do you usually do this?”, the votes of the two thousand men I surveyed were distributed as follows (let’s take them as 100%):

- 16% men are inclined to reconcile just a few hours after a quarrel;

- 30% men try to reconcile the next day after a quarrel;

- 12% men make up two days after a quarrel;

- 16% men come to the understanding that they will have to call only after three days after the quarrel;

- 8% men are the first to pick up the phone only within four to five days after a quarrel;

- 10% men decide to call first only after at least a week has passed;

- 5% men are ready to show their masculine character and call only within a week to a month after a quarrel;

- 3% men are called and reconciled first only after several months have passed, and they still have not met the one who would be better than the one with whom they quarreled.

As you can see, dividing the surveyed men into groups with different time indicators, this time the author deliberately moved away from the “top to bottom” principle, when the largest numbers are on top, and the smallest values are below, and first put 16%, and only then 30 %, and so on. From my point of view, this is exactly how the data is arranged:

A. Allows you to see more clearly the male dynamics of reconciliation.

B. Helps readers to see for themselves how a man’s desire to make peace increases and decreases as more and more days pass from the moment of the quarrel.

IN. Makes it possible to identify male peaks of Reconciliation, that is, those time intervals when men most desire reconciliation.

G. Makes it easier to compare these data with similar dynamics and peaks in women's reconciliations.

However, judge for yourself...

Results of a survey of girls and women on issue No. 1

To question No. 1, “If you decide to make peace and call first, how long after a quarrel do you usually do this?”, the votes of the two thousand girls and women I surveyed were distributed as follows (let’s take them as 100%):

- 24% girls and women are inclined to reconcile just a few hours after a quarrel;

- 35% girls and women try to reconcile the next day after a quarrel;

- 11% girls and women make up two days after a quarrel;

- 15% girls and women come to the understanding that they will have to call only after three days after the quarrel;

- 5% girls and women are the first to pick up the phone only within four to five days after a quarrel;

- 7% girls and women decide to call first only after at least a week has passed;

- 3% girls and women are called and made up first only after several weeks or months have passed (it was difficult to say more precisely).

As you can see, in the case of statistics for girls and women, the author also used a “broken diagram” as the most visual and indicative.

However, we still can’t do without a pivot table. Here she is.

Summary table of male and female dynamics of readiness to make peace after love and family quarrels

A day from a quarrel

Men

(in percentages)

Women

(in percentages)

The day of the quarrel itself

First day

Second day

Third day

Fourth and fifth days

Sixth and seventh days

A week or a month from a quarrel

More than a month from the quarrel

Now we have all the necessary tools. It’s time to superimpose the male peaks of Reconciliation on the female ones (or vice versa: who prefers which positions more!) and we will immediately see everything and understand everything.

Generalization No. 1. Making peace on the day of a quarrel is not at all shameful: many people do this!

First of all, what catches your eye is that within the first day after a quarrel (and this is already a few minutes or hours after a quarrel!) 16% of men and 24% of girls and women are ready to make peace. And this means two things for us at once:

Firstly,

Every sixth man and every fourth girl or woman

are very easy-going and ready to make peace on the day of a quarrel!

Secondly,

Girls and women one and a half times (24% ladies divided by 16% men

= 1.5 times) are more prone to reconciliation than their male partners.

As you can see, these data are more than optimistic! So, you don’t need to think that all modern men and women are very stubborn and extremely aggressive creatures: at least one out of six men and one out of four girls or women are ready to open their arms to a loved one within a few minutes or hours after a quarrel. Is not that great! Of course it's great!

Among other things, we immediately get two very practical consequences from these data. So, we learn the following:

Men seem colder than their girlfriends, simply because every fourth girl or woman is ahead of every sixth man and manages to make peace with him literally a few hours or minutes before he himself would do it...

However, the publication of this data is not at all a reason for respected ladies to test this conclusion in practice and stubbornly refuse to put up with their friends or husbands. This way you will destroy all the author's statistics!!!

And, besides, the author is sure: this statement of facts will greatly ease the moral well-being of all those respected readers who fit into our “one-sixth” and “one-fourth” and try not to fan the fire of the conflict and make peace in hot pursuit. Honor and glory to them! They are doing the right thing! They are not alone in doing this! There are quite a lot of such peace-loving, loving and worldly smart people! Therefore, stop being ashamed of your own feelings and peacefulness! There is no need to be ashamed of this! If you are one-sixth of men or one-fourth of women, you can be proud of that!

Generalization No. 2. The highest rates of reconciliation are equally demonstrated by both men (30% of respondents) and women (35% of respondents) the day after a quarrel!

At least a third of men and more than a third of all girls and women wanted

would end the conflict no later than the next day after a quarrel!

This is the highest indicator, the real peak of Reconciliation!

This means that the most optimal and almost win-win option for your reconciliation with your loved one is the day following your quarrel! It is on this day that the peaks of Reconciliation (that is, the willingness to make peace) coincide for both men and women. It is on this day that you are least likely to be “sent somewhere far away.” It is on this day that it is most likely that your loved one is going to call you! And as they say, it would be a sin not to take advantage of all this! Right?!

Generalization No. 3. If the partners do not make peace the next day after a quarrel, on the second day the number of people wishing to make peace decreases sharply and increases again only on the third day. And on the fourth day it fades away again...

Continuing to analyze the data obtained, we can see the following: After 30% of men and 35% of girls and women are ready to make peace a day after a quarrel, on the second day only 12% of men and only 11% of women demonstrate the same readiness. In essence, we see:

If reconciliation between partners does not occur within 24 hours

after a quarrel, their readiness for reconciliation

decreases immediately three (!!!) times.

To be honest, this data shocked me. I don’t have any clear explanation for this phenomenon, but the fact remains: If you want to “surrender” to your partner on the second day after a quarrel, you risk “running into trouble” and learning a lot more about yourself than if you had called the day before or a day later...

But if we look at the willingness of partners to reconcile on the third day after a quarrel, we clearly see some kind of “revival”: not 12, but as many as 16% of men want to reconcile, and not 11, but as many as 15% of girls and women! And if you don’t understand why the author is so happy here (what’s the difference - 12% or 16%, 11% or 15%?), then I’ll remind you: objectivity, clarity and “convexity” of the comparison are obtained only when the comparison occurs immediately in both directions - both in the direction of the first day and in the direction of the third day (and best of all, also the fourth and fifth days). And if you line up the dynamics of the reconciliations of all these days in one row (for your convenience, I will once again duplicate the summary table I received), this is where you will immediately see what I am so happy about:

Dynamics of readiness to make peace in the first week after a quarrel

A day from a quarrel

Men

(in percentages)

Women

(in percentages)

The day of the quarrel itself

First day

Second day

Third day

Fourth and fifth days

Sixth and seventh days

A week or a month from a quarrel

More than a month from the quarrel

Now you can clearly see:

The statistics of willingness to reconcile on the second day is only one third of the statistics on the first day (30:12 for men, 35:11 for women). But not very different from the statistics of the second day, the statistics of readiness for reconciliation of the third day is already exactly half of the statistics of the first day (30:16 for men, 35:15 for women)! And this is already very good!

But the statistics of the fourth day show: 8% of men are only one quarter (30:8) of the first day, and 5% of girls and women are generally only one seventh (35:5) of the figures of the first day. And this is already several times less than the indicators of the second and third days...

So what does this mean for us? Means the following:

Within a week after a love quarrel occurs, the most

the optimal days for reconciliation are: the day of the quarrel itself,

the next day after the quarrel and the third day after the quarrel.

And besides, we see:

If a man does such a stupid thing as not to make peace with his

girlfriend (wife) for three days, then her readiness for

reconciliation will be significantly lower than his.

Don't believe me? Just compare 8% of men and 5% of women. Well, do you agree now? That's the same! And if you are a man, don’t waste any more time and run to make peace! In any case, the author strongly discourages you from delaying reconciliation beyond the third day after your quarrel. Otherwise, do not be surprised when in the voice of your friend (wife) you no longer hear joy or gratitude for such a “knightly gesture”, but cold indifference or poisonous irritation...

And if these lines are now being read by a charming female creature, immediately let your friend or husband read these lines (You can both at once, if you share these concepts. Just kidding!). It seems to me that this will help you (and him!) a lot... Try it, check it out!

Generalization No. 4. After the peak of Reconciliation on the third day, another more or less suitable day for reconciliation is the seventh day.

What I am talking about now can be clearly seen when studying our table - the chronology of reconciliations. Of course, the seventh day is not such a big peak, but it still stands out compared to the fourth and fifth days after a quarrel and the subsequent period of a week to a month, when men's and women's desire to make peace drops by half (10:5 for men and 7:3 for girls and women)!

In fact we see:

Reconciliation on the seventh day after a quarrel is the last

or a less optimal period for restoring relations between partners in love or family relationships!

I hope that in your quarrels and reconciliations, you will not go further than this day!

Generalization No. 5. When the reconciliation process is delayed, girls and women become much less inclined to restore relationships than men.

This conclusion was prompted by the following: While clarifying the desire of the respondents to make peace separately in the time interval from a week to a month and from a month to several months, I was faced with the following differences in the behavior of men and women:

If the bulk of men more or less clearly shared the two aforementioned periods of reconciliation - from a week to a month and from a month to several months, and 5% of men voted for the first period, and 3% for the second, then almost all the girls and women interviewed between these periods were almost didn't share and they unanimously repeated: after a friend (husband) does not remind of himself in any way for more than a week, they are, in principle, indifferent to when he “surfaces” - in two weeks or in two months. And the motive they put forward was this: if a person managed to live without me for more than a week, most likely he already has another lady of his heart, he is “an unfaithful and traitor,” and it’s time to learn to live without him...

As a result, those girls and women who were able to admit that they could be the first to call their friend or husband who disappeared after a quarrel, after two to three weeks or months after the end of the relationship, amounted to only... some 3% of those surveyed!!! And since it is most logical to compare these data directly with 8% of men (5% ready to put up within a week-month interval + 3% ready to put up within a period of up to several months), we get the following:

Girls and women react to the length of the period

disagreements are three times more nervous than their friends and husbands!

Based on the motivation of “unreliability” that dear ladies gave, I would like to say that girls and women are three times more jealous than men! However, I still somehow hesitate to say this... But, it seems to me that this figure indicates three things:

- about stronger female pride;

- about highly developed female pragmatism, when, having considered her friend “unreliable,” a girl or woman (Of course, with certain mental suffering! Where would we be without them!) soberly and quite rationally decides: “Upon closer examination, this option turned out to be “not an option at all”! It's time to start looking for someone else...";

- about a certain male naivety combined with obvious narcissism. For some reason, a significant part of men are very confident that their girlfriends and wives will not escape from them, they will wait for them just as long as they “decide” or “experiment” with completely different candidates for the title of girlfriend or wife.

And from all this there is a very practical conclusion:

All more or less reasonable men should learn to overcome their naivety and narcissism, which are especially clearly manifested in some delay in the process of reconciliation with their wives and girlfriends, who, in the opinion of men, “cannot escape them anywhere”!

Otherwise, having quarreled with their girlfriends or wives and taking too long with reconciliation, they risk a lot. For example:

What are the risks for men who do not reconcile in time:

Loss of women's confidence;

The termination of those very love and family relationships that they almost always naively consider “reserved for themselves almost forever”;

Receiving a powerful blow to their male pride in the event that their friend-wife, who has lost patience, leaves them.

Do you think our respected men should know all this? I think it's worth it! In any case, this will be useful to everyone at once: both the men themselves, who will not lose their relationships, and their ladies, who will not end up in a BORDERLINE state and “exclusion zone” simply because their beloved men did something stupid and did not reconcile in during the week, that is, on those days that are the peaks of Reconciliation...

Stop, stop, stop! It's time to stop here. Five generalizations are sufficient for this chapter. Moreover, by the very logic of the presentation we have already approached the conversation about the notorious “exclusion zone”. And, according to the author’s plan, we will have to consider it only in the next chapter.

Let's take a little breath, make a few more additional practical recommendations and, moving on to the pages of the next chapter, consider the author's statistics that were obtained when processing male and female responses to questions No. 2 and No. 3.

However, one more minute! Let's finally draw final conclusions from this chapter and answer the questions that we formulated at the very beginning:

Final conclusions of the chapter

Conclusion No. 1. The time for reconciliation of quarreling lovers or spouses is, to put it mildly, not immeasurable! It is enclosed in a chronological framework from one to seven days.

Therefore, all those who think that they always have everything under control, and that their loved one will sit and cry at the window for months and years, waiting for his (her) triumphant return, will be greatly mistaken.

According to my surveys, human psychology(both male and female) in the case of love-family quarrels gives us only the following period for reconciliation:

The only correct period that quarreling lovers or spouses can count on is

maximum WEEK!

After this, the light of the stars of love and family hope begins to gradually dim... And the fact that men are morally ready to put up months and years after a quarrel is their own problem! Of course, a considerable number of girls and women are able to accept their “cat walking on its own” even weeks and months after a quarrel and separation, but I would still advise smart men not to count on this too much! No one will give you a guarantee that during this time some other “cat who has already had time to walk before you” will not climb into your cozy love or family bed! The author of this book - even more so!

Conclusion No. 2. The most optimal time for reconciling quarreling partners in love or family relationships should be considered the day of the quarrel and the morning (maximum, evening!) of the day immediately following the day of the quarrel.

There's not even anything special to talk about here. You just need to follow this conclusion in your love and family relationships. And then no one will push away your friendly outstretched hand...it will take years to take your “ek” and conduct a survey of 2000 men and 2000 women

First. Know the three main peaks of Reconciliation after quarrels!

When you have all sorts of love and family quarrels, you should know that the most optimal time for reconciliation is:

Three main peaks of conciliatory sentiments,

identical in both men and women

Peak No. 1. The day the quarrel occurred.

Peak No. 2. The day following the day of the quarrel.

Peak No. 3. Third day after the quarrel.

It is at this time that the degree of readiness for reconciliation among men coincides most closely with the degree of readiness for reconciliation among girls and women.

So, when you decide to make peace, know when is the best time to do it!

Second. Make up in the morning the next day after a quarrel!

The best moment for reconciliation is a peculiar

“the peak of the peaks of Reconciliation” is the day following the day of the quarrel.

So, for those who wish to make peace at this particular time (at Peak of Reconciliation No. 2), I give a special author’s hint:

As part of reconciliation the day after a quarrel

It’s best to put up right in the morning!

In any case, this is precisely the thought that my numerous conversations with those who quarreled and made peace led me to. They all say in unison (most likely, you will also be in this choir!): the night after a quarrel is quite enough to comprehend what happened, to worry about the fate of the relationship and to have the first thoughts about reconciliation. The next morning, the partners, much more “cooled down” and calmed down, are quite ready to make peace. And since this readiness is approximately the same for all parties to the conflict, the only question is who will call or send a conciliatory SMS first. And since throughout this section I have been proving to you that it will be most beneficial for you if you make the first conciliatory call, it means that you should still call and write!

I emphasize:

It is best to make peace not in the evening of the next day, not in the evening after work or school, but precisely when your loved one is waiting for it - right away in the morning!

Don't know what and how to say? Write a text message!

Don't want to consider yourself a loser? Don't admit it! Just write: “I can’t live without you! Let's make peace!" Most likely, they will write something like this to you, after which all your stupid complexes will disappear just like river fog under the rays of the morning July sun. And everyone will feel good right away...

Third. Know the spare peak of Reconciliation!

I call the fourth, reserve peak of Reconciliation the seventh day after your quarrel. Of course, the effectiveness of reconciliation on this day is already much less than on the first or third, nevertheless, it exists. And therefore it would be stupid and completely unreasonable not to take advantage of this.

And if you really like to “pull the cat by the tail” and delay reconciliation until the very last moment, I’ll give you one more little hint:

The success of reconciliation on the seventh day after a quarrel increases significantly if on the evening of the sixth day you carry out preliminary treatment, a kind of artillery preparation of the psyche of your offended relationship partner.

What is meant? This means the following: On the evening of the sixth day, you send a laconic text message: “I’m going to make peace tomorrow! Good night, my Fluffy! (insert that nickname of your partner, which is in use and specifically vet that nickname of your partner to your couple).

In about one third of cases, the answer will be stern silence or a phrase like: “Thanks, don’t worry! Insomnia doesn’t bother me!”

In another third of cases, you will receive a skeptical response: “Yeah? How interesting! Why not now?! Are principles getting in the way?

But in the last third they will immediately write to you: “Hello back!!! What’s stopping us from making peace now?” To which you will answer: “Basically, nothing!” And in a couple of minutes you will call and make peace right away.

Of course, the third option is the best! However, the first two are actually not as bad as they might seem to you. Let me remind you: We have no goal of making peace on the sixth day! We have a goal to make peace on the seventh day! And your partner’s knowledge that you are committed to reconciliation will provide you with a more painless acquisition the very next morning. And your pride will sleep completely peacefully...

Nothing helps in reconciliation like solid knowledge

one partner, that the other wants it too!

Do you agree with this author's statement? Surely you agree! If so, then help your loved one get the right mindset for tomorrow’s reconciliation! If you don’t have cell phones and the ability to write text messages, make a short evening call and also say: “Baby, hi! I just want to cheer you up a little and tell you that tomorrow I want to make peace with you. Where, when and what time will be convenient for you?”

Again, about a third of the time, you will make up directly during the subsequent dialogue. In a third of cases, your partner will scold you in every possible way (and don’t contradict you and listen in silence!), will “discharge” emotionally and tomorrow will be quite ready for reconciliation (and maybe even immediately after the end of his angry tirade!). And another third will tell you where and what time you will see each other. And reconciliation in all these cases is as guaranteed as the daily sunrise.

In general, after first doing one stupid thing and quarreling, and then doing another one and delaying timely reconciliation, don’t panic! You still have a reserve parachute - the fourth peak of Reconciliation, the “seventh day reconciliation.”

Well, if you commit the third stupidity and hold out the situation so much that it goes beyond a week after your quarrel... then, anyway, don’t panic! Read the next chapter! They have recipes for this too! Don’t leave you to be devoured by your own conscience...

Never again think that the time allotted to you

reconciliation after a love-family quarrel is dimensionless!

I’ll tell you more: the amount of this time allotted to you is actually not known not only by you, but also by your relationship partner! Remember what we talked about in the very first section of this book:

Counting our love grievances and counting the days allotted to us for reconciliation,

most often driven by our human unconscious: your own and your partner.

But we don’t yet have any opportunity to ask them what they think about this. We only have the opportunity to identify some patterns of their functioning and intelligently adapt to them. In this sense, know that the summary chronological table of male and female conciliatory moods we created in this chapter is nothing more than an attempt to understand the thinking style and decision-making style of our unconscious. Know this and use this information to your advantage!

Remarque

Some people find it difficult to reconcile! I strongly disagree. It's hard not to put up with it! It's hard to be alone and wait for a call. It’s hard to flinch at every signal of an incoming text message, light up with hope and... fall asleep again without waiting for encouraging news. This is really difficult! And don't even try to argue with it.

In general, in fact, it is not difficult to reconcile first; it is difficult to reconcile when reconciliation did not occur on time, did not fall into one or another psychological peak of Reconciliation. But now you know all this! Once you know it, apply it! And in general: the slogan “Knowledge is power!” has not yet been canceled!

Chapter 16

How to avoid getting into the “exclusion zone”

Those dear readers who carefully read the previous chapter, “The time of reconciliation: how dimensionless is it?”, should remember that, having set themselves the task of finding out the most optimal time for reconciling quarreling partners in love or family relationships, the author decided to conduct a survey of 2000 men and 2000 women on three issues at once:

Question No. 1. If you decide to make peace and call first, how long after the quarrel do you usually do this?

Question No. 2. When do you feel the most irritated (and then borderline not giving a damn) if your partner stubbornly refuses to call you first?

Question No. 3. When do you feel the most gratitude towards your partner if he/she is the one who calls first and offers to make peace?

The results obtained by the author when processing survey data on question No. 1 and offered to his readers in the previous chapter made it possible to identify three main peaks of Reconciliation (the day of the quarrel, the first and third days after the quarrel), as well as a backup option in the form of the seventh day after the quarrel. At the same time, the highest rating in terms of effectiveness was given to the morning of the day immediately following the quarrel - the real territory of the most comfortable and successful reconciliation.

Having received this data, you are probably already sure that there is no need to conduct any additional surveys: everything is already clear! However, if we want to maintain the greatest possible objectivity and get truly comprehensive information about what the logic is and what the basic patterns of love and family quarrels are, we should go through mass surveys and generalizations to the very end. And breathe a sigh of relief only when everything becomes completely clear to you and me. And most importantly, we will understand how we need to quarrel and make peace, so that quarrels do not leave an unpleasant aftertaste, and that transparent-icy and very cold wall of alienation does not arise between lovers or spouses, which is not immediately visible, but which you don’t care about you can crash...

So, we will follow the survey route to the end. And since in this book I have already used the term “psychological exclusion zone” many times, or simply “exclusion zone,” it’s time to give it a detailed definition.

Psychological “exclusion zone”- this is a special psychological BORDERLINE STATE when, after a certain number of days after a quarrel, partners in love or family relationships significantly drop the level of trust in their loved one, the number of hopes associated with him decreases, it becomes almost equivalent: will the relationship with him continue, or will they completely will be completed.

It seems to the author that for the vast majority of readers this psychological state, terrible for the existence of love and family relationships, is more or less familiar. Well, that’s great (although, in fact, not great!). This means that you and I will speak the same language.

Now let's formulate specific goals and objectives of this chapter.

On its pages we must:

1. Understand how and when that psychological state of the “exclusion zone” occurs when partners stop trusting each other.

This problem did not worry our mothers too much and certainly did not occur to our grandmothers. "Why doesn't he call?" - this is what has become the main question of modern girls who do not part with their phones.

Expectation

Every time you look at your phone in the hope of seeing at least an accidentally missed call. You can tell him so much, you are ready to use all your charm, all your feminine “tricks”. And he will definitely be yours, but... Well, why doesn’t he call?

This is what many girls ask themselves, whose hearts are broken by telephone silence. There can be many reasons for silence on the part of a man and they are definitely worth understanding, because the lack of communication on the part of the stronger sex can be either final or temporary. Let's answer the most common women's questions.

Why doesn't a man call after meeting?

After the first date or acquaintance, we all know that the guy should call first. If this suddenly does not happen, try to find out why. There are several reasons for a man’s reluctance to call after meeting:

The first and most common reason is that the guy does not want to continue communication. It's not difficult to check. Call him yourself and ask him to call back an hour after the conversation. If there is still no call, then you can be sure that you should not make plans with this guy for a future together. Of course, not every girl is proud to call first, so it’s your choice - suffer in anticipation or find out everything within an hour.
Reason #2 - the guy is too timid and shy. You can see people like this right away: they don’t talk much, they get excited and blush on the first date, they are embarrassed to approach you first. In this case, you will probably have to take the initiative and make the first call yourself. Note to you: shy guys can later turn out to be real “lions” in love relationships.
For some reason, many men are sure that it is the woman who should call after the date, thereby showing interest in continuing communication. You should find out this in advance, for example, directly ask the guy what he thinks about this.

Why doesn't a man want to call after a quarrel?

In fact, after a quarrel, it’s not just the man who may not want to call. And again we are faced with a dilemma - who should call, and should they call at all? Many people think that the one who is to blame should call. This is, of course, fair, but not always realistic. You like this guy, then feel free to dial his number and start resolving the conflict situation!

Why doesn't the man call for a week?

Or maybe he is tired of the relationship and needs to distract himself and relax? There is a category of men who need to be allowed to miss their beloved and then their passion is kindled with renewed vigor.

There may be many reasons for a week-long lull on the “other side” of the phone, for example:

A lot of work.
Problems with relatives.
Unforeseen travel or other circumstances.
Phone numbers have been erased, or the mobile phone is completely lost, etc.

Let's not miss the fact that the guy simply may not want to call anymore, because he found something more interesting to do. It's sad, but this happens too.

Why does a man text instead of calling?

Many people spend a long time preparing a conversation plan, coming up with beautiful phrases, jokes, and stories. But when communication begins, a person gets lost from excitement and forgets all his “smart” speeches. Therefore, for many it is easier to write an SMS than to risk being in an awkward position.

Some men don’t like to talk a lot - this is another argument of SMS correspondence supporters. And then, SMS is always an intrigue that will add spice to your relationship.

Why doesn’t a man write or call every day?

Men don't understand why women are constantly talking on the phone. For a guy phone call- a way to convey some effective information, but not feelings, so the stronger half considers it inappropriate to call every day and even write.

Girls need maximum attention, and, oddly enough, this attention is always not enough. I’ll tell you, girls, you don’t have to demand daily calls from a man, because the most valuable thing is feelings. Well, if you really miss me, call me back!

Why doesn't a man call after a breakup?

Nowadays it is fashionable to remain friends after a breakup. Often, having separated in love, couples become good friends. However, the desire to be friends among former lovers may not be mutual. The man is afraid to support friendly relations with former lovers for a number of reasons:

A man doesn't want a woman to try to win him back and ruin his new relationship.
The guy still had a serious grudge against his former beloved.
The man has not yet fallen out of love and wants to get his soul mate back.
The relationship was difficult, and the separation was unpleasant.

So, let's summarize. If a guy has fallen in love and your feelings are mutual, then you shouldn’t worry about the fact that you don’t talk much on the phone. Better invite your loved one to some interesting place or arrange a romantic evening for him. I wish you to forget about the existence of a phone next to your loved one more often!

What make him call a man after a romantic evening with a continuation? What to do if a guy stops dialing your number for no reason or after a quarrel? Today Koshechka.ru together with you will try to understand the reasons and give practical advice.

The day after an exciting first meeting with a young man can sometimes be difficult to survive. You are waiting for an SMS or a call from him. But now, when there is so much technology, there are pages on almost all social networks, there are enough ways to get in touch. But many girls are optimists, so they invent different reasons. And they figure out: if a man doesn’t call, it means...

I wrote down your number incorrectly because I fell in love at first sight - but there are social networks!
His phone was stolen - see point one.
We urgently need to help our friends. Let’s say a day or two, and even then - if something so serious happened that there is no way to even call someone else. If he likes you, he will call, even if he is busy.

And everything like that... But these are, honestly, far-fetched reasons. There are also some that are not entirely pleasant...

He didn’t like you - and there’s nothing you can do about it. The first impression is the most correct. And the point is not that there are shortcomings in you (although this happens, alas), but you may simply not be suitable for each other in temperament, interests, or appearance.
He got along with ex-girlfriend- He won’t call you and tell you honestly and frankly what happened. And if he likes you, he will save your number and call you in a few months, for example. But the question is different. Do you need this?

Remember: if after your first date there is no news from a man for 2 days, it is unlikely that anything will work out. Of course, there are exceptions, for example, an urgent business trip, tragedy, illness. But exceptions only prove the rule.

What can I do to get a man to call? Sometimes you should think not about this, but about forgetting him as quickly as possible and moving on with your life!

The man doesn’t call... what should I do?

Call yourself, but only once, to casually find out if anything has happened. But just try to understand this from the conversation, and not ask a bunch of questions.
Write an SMS or a message on a social network if you are shy. If he doesn’t answer, alas, the hero is not your novel.
Take a break, take care of yourself, concentrate on what interests you in life. If you're only interested in him, I'm sorry, but that's not normal.

And the site will smoothly move on to a completely different conversation - that the man has stopped calling, although you have not been dating for the first day.

By the way, here’s a real-life incident...

“I’ve always just had a real mania. As soon as we quarreled with the guy, I didn’t wait for him to call me, I started calling myself, blaming him, swearing, then he didn’t pick up the phone at all and I just couldn’t find a place for myself. I couldn’t eat or do anything. But then one day I managed to switch, and after another quarrel I broke up with him. And after some time - new novel. The first date is great, even textbook J And immediately after it - a pleasant SMS good night, and the next day - a message with an offer to meet in the evening. And it started spinning. And now we are preparing for the wedding.” Sofia.

What is this story for? Besides, if he liked you, he will definitely call, write, and come. Will not deprive you of signs of attention! If there is a quarrel between you, everything is always individual, but it is better to really wait or have your loved one call. Of course, if you haven't seriously offended him. Then he can expect you to take the first step with an apology.

How to get a man to call: analysis of different situations

Suppose everything seemed to be going well, and then he suddenly disappeared. Let's get straight to it, because you can always feel some “bells and whistles”: several new friends in in social networks, irritability, he began to kiss you less often, constantly criticizes you. Perhaps it didn’t come to a quarrel, he decided to simply step aside.

In such a situation, of course, you can get the guy to call, but do you need this if after some time he disappears again?

You had a very big fight, and objectively you are not right. Of course, we all tend to blame men, but they are not always to blame. Then, of course, he expects you to make the first move.

And it all depends on how much you hurt him. Perhaps it’s worth waiting for a while so that he can forgive you and have time to miss you. And when you call, don’t try to “whitewash” yourself, blame him for saying or doing something wrong. Calmly and sincerely say simple words: “Forgive me.” He may need some time, don’t call if after this call he doesn’t offer to meet. Wait for him to take a step towards you.

If you often quarrel with him, you constantly apologize, once again this method may not work. He simply won’t believe that you realized your mistake and won’t continue to “eat off his nerves with a dessert spoon.”

He is objectively to blame for the quarrel.

Definitely don’t call him! He must understand, think everything over. And you can make a guy call, for example, like this:

try to look good, be cheerful, especially if you are communicating with mutual friends;
take a new beautiful photo and put it on your avatar - by the way, it works even if he switched to another one, men are owners;
disappear from social networks for a few days instead of posting tearful statuses and sad songs and pictures.

Some “experts” may even recommend some conspiracies, but this is all nonsense. Don't get hung up on one thing if he doesn't appreciate you. Don’t delve into yourself: by looking for shortcomings that didn’t suit one person, you can lose yourself and that one person who will simply adore you all, with all the flaws. After all, it’s boring with completely ideal ones, and such people only exist in dreams!

And the best thing is to sign up for a salon, meet people you haven’t seen for a long time, and start taking care of yourself. This is much more interesting than thinking why the man doesn't call.

Eva Raduga - especially for Koshechka.ru - a site for those in love... with themselves!