Etiquette for modern girls
The rules of etiquette are not that complicated; every self-respecting person should know them. A person with good manners is always pleasant to look at and arouses sympathy.
Let's consider the basic rules of good manners for women. The most important thing in the ability to behave correctly is self-respect. It’s easy to understand how much a woman respects herself by suddenly visiting her. If the apartment is tidy and cozy, you can hear the smells of cooking dinner, light music is playing, and the woman herself is well dressed and smiling, this means that she is a good housewife and takes care of herself and her surroundings. A woman should love herself, this helps others around her to be drawn to her.
A woman should not walk from the street. In those days when the lack of sewerage was not shocking, the dress beautiful woman could splash out a passing carriage, so she always walked further from the route, and the man had to protect her from unwanted events.
They also create your image and influence your relationships. For about a dozen years, unfortunately, the rules good education disappear and cause damage because their adherence has a positive effect on private and professional relationships. The most important rule in professional relationships that is non-negotiable. Being late for meetings is a lack of professionalism and lack of respect for the other person, which in extreme situations can lead to the deterioration or even termination of a business relationship.
Being a woman is a great privilege. An intelligent woman will always look elegant and dress with taste. Know how to use cosmetics. For example, perfume should be used in moderation. A woman should be able to wear jewelry. Under no circumstances should you combine gold with tasteless jewelry.
When in society, a woman should be polite and friendly with people. Whether it's a hairdresser, dentist, store clerk or work colleagues.
Make all important appointments at least a few minutes ahead of time. If you need to travel long distances, plan your trip so that you have at least an hour. If something unexpected happens, warn him with details rather than language that might provoke anger in the person waiting.
In business relationships, first impressions are very important. The first few tens of seconds greatly influence the course of the entire meeting. It is important to know the basics of this stage. A woman addresses a man, from senior to junior, to a subordinate. The handshake should not be too strong or too weak.
It is very important for a woman to be able to speak correctly, maintain a conversation, and express her thoughts. The vocabulary of any self-respecting person should not be limited to common phrases and slang. This impoverishes speech, makes it boring and gray.
While talking on the phone with strangers you need to be polite and kind. You only need to call someone at a time convenient for the interlocutor. The one who called first should be the first to end the conversation.
The principle that a person of lower rank is a person of higher rank. There are two rules of priority: social and professional. According to the first man, a woman passes the woman, and according to the other, a higher man passes the post. Doubts arise when a man occupies a higher position than a woman. The man must then pass the woman's door when she is reasonable and does not impede his professional tasks. There is one exception to the rule, which is that the first woman enters and the man follows.
When the door opens inward, the man must pass through it first and then hold it open to facilitate the woman's entry. This is especially true for large and heavy doors with a door house, which can expose a woman to uncomfortable bruises. Despite advances in technology and the ability to transmit contact information electronically, paper business cards are still the primary tool in business relationships. A business card is provided at the beginning of the meeting. We give our business cards to our right hand.
During a conversation, it is very important to listen to the interlocutor to the end, without interrupting, without inserting meaningless phrases that are completely out of place in the conversation. In a conversation with a stranger, or even with an acquaintance, you should not boast about your successes, the successes of your family or husband. You should be modest and talk less about yourself. It will be much better if you ask how your interlocutor is doing, ask about his profession, family. Then the person will be interested in communicating with you. You should also avoid common phrases, clichés, and hackneyed proverbs - this indicates a lack of interest and originality. A self-respecting woman will also never tell playful stories or allow herself vulgar anecdotes or jokes in conversation. It is worth remembering that importunity, familiarity, and tactlessness do not contribute to respect for you.
In the Far East - both hands. We read it upon receipt and keep it in a visible place on the table for the rest of the meeting. First of all, the business card is given to a senior and high-ranking person. The problem arises when the other person is older but also of lower rank. In business contacts, the rank criterion is more important, while the age criterion is more important in personal contacts.
During important meetings It's better to turn off your phone, but there are situations that require constant availability. You know this, but the people you're dating don't necessarily, so be sure to tell us. If you're going to lunch or a business dinner at an upscale restaurant, you can't turn off your phone because you're waiting for an important call. As soon as you call, ask your interlocutor and go to a place where there will be no people. Don't have a phone ringing all over the room, do it discreetly. Try to get back to the table as quickly as possible.
You also need to be courteous to your elders. Respect them, do not interrupt in conversation and do not argue with them. Conflict of views always exists, especially between the younger and older generations, but it is possible to conduct a conversation in the form of a cultural discussion, rather than an argument.
Following the rules of good manners, a woman should not smoke at all. But if you still have this bad habit, then you should not smoke at least in cafes and on the street. You should also not hold a cigarette in your mouth while talking, greeting, or dancing. You are not allowed to smoke at the table while eating.
No matter what you do on the phone - personal or business - use it to prevent people in your environment from listening to it. Family problems, memories of yesterday's events, love conquests, business affairs and business negotiations in most cases will not be interesting to the people sitting next to you on the train, in a restaurant or in the doctor's line. If you must use the phone in the company of others, do so quietly, quietly, without swearing, and as briefly as possible.
Unfortunately, many people believe that maintaining etiquette is something that does not work in everyday life. The truth is that we never know what the situation will be and it would be good to know how to behave appropriately. To add that the rules are quite simple. It's better to know them than to feel embarrassed in some situations, right?
A woman should be elegant in everything - in clothes, in gestures and behavior. To sit gracefully in a car, you need to lower yourself into the seat with your feet outside, then turn and pull them in. When getting out of the car, you first need to lower your legs, keeping your knees together.
It is very important for a woman to be able to smile and laugh correctly. Beautiful, gentle laughter makes those around you feel better and happier. You can't laugh too loudly or too long. It’s only appropriate to laugh when someone makes a joke; unreasonable laughter or inappropriate laughter causes bewilderment and a negative impression among others.
If you say you are inviting someone to dinner, that means you are also paying for them. You can say: let's go to a restaurant, and in this case everyone pays for themselves. When a man offers to pay for dinner, a woman may agree. Never come in without an announcement. If you show up unannounced, you may be wearing a robe, a headband, or a torn shirt.
Do not place your phone on a table in a public place. This way you show how important the device plays in your life and you are bored with the company enough to contact your mobile phone and take care of something more interesting.
Every woman should be able to behave in an awkward situation. If, for example, you break a cup or glass while visiting, you should immediately apologize and buy a new one as soon as possible. If you accidentally tear someone else's book, find the same one and return it intact.
For any woman, receiving guests is a very important event, and very responsible. You need to be able to properly invite, receive and arrange guests.
A man should not carry a handbag, but he should take his coat off his shoulders and carry it to the dressing room. If you are traveling with someone and friends of your interlocutor whom you do not know appear on your way, you should also greet them. Your shoes should always be clean.
Avoid meaningless conversations on the phone. If you want to talk to someone, you're better off meeting in person. If someone insults you, don't try to take revenge. Don't go down to this level. Just smile and think about it. The man should walk to the left of the woman. The exception is the military, who must be ready to fireworks at any time.
You should not prepare dishes according to new recipes or exotic dishes for dinner parties. The experiment may end in failure. You should not prepare dishes that are difficult to serve without the help of other people. Also, according to the rules of etiquette, plates cannot be served on the table already with food.
You should not invite people who are much higher than you in social status or intellectual level. Most likely you will be refused. If one of the guests is more than 15 minutes late, do not make all the guests wait, sit down at the table.
Drivers should remember that driving in a puddle will always result in splashing passersby. 
You must keep 9 things secret: wealth, family quarrels, religion, health problems, romances, gifts, honor and shame. A man should not touch a woman without her consent. This means that it is inappropriate to hold your hand while touching while speaking with your hand above your elbow.
If someone yells at you, Hey, there you are!, you shouldn't respond. Golden Rule with perfume - moderation. If you smell them in the evening, think about how tired your relatives are. A woman who is moving into adulthood would like to have a partner with similar interests. As he turns thirty, he changes his priorities a little - for example, he begins to value a person's personal ambitions.
There are also a number of rules of good manners when behaving at the table. You cannot eat with your hands on the table. You can't keep your hands on your knees. You need to eat with your mouth closed. You should also not drink with your mouth full, and before taking a glass, you need to wipe your lips with a napkin. You cannot talk or laugh loudly at the table; this is a sign of disrespect and poor upbringing.
It turns out that there is not a single perfect person. There are actually five of them! It is not true that a woman does not know what she wants. A young woman desires first and foremost a man whom her friends approve of. As much as 47 percent. The women surveyed stated that they would only contact someone when they met their friends' reception. Experts say this is because this is the time when a woman builds self-esteem and tests how she reacts to her decisions.
In addition, a woman is looking for a man with similar interests - reading similar books, listening to the same music, watching the same films. Certainly, appearance is also important - it indicates high physical activity. This is a time of intense career development and planning for the future. He is looking for a person with ambition, for whom work, education and productivity are important. Being a physical trainer is still very important to her, so if she feels like an attractive woman, she looks for one good partner.
If you are invited to visit, under no circumstances should you be late. But you shouldn't come too early either. Following the rules of good manners, you need to be polite with hosts and guests, and thank them for their invitations. At the end of the reception, it is worth saying a few compliments to the hosts. They will be pleased and will leave a good impression of you.
For her, first of all, good manners and the ability to find oneself in any situation. Only one in a hundred women went on a date with a person with personal culture on bakir. He expects more stability than her younger colleagues. This is important for her experience, maturity, professional success and financial stability. If she has not yet found a partner, she will definitely find a man with whom she can start a family - preferably five years older than her.
Looking for a partner who will provide her emotional and material stability. These are the two most important aspects that raise the question of the age of a potential partner. Now the woman is looking for a man who is not older or younger than at least 5 years old. Yes, it's nothing short of adventure and new challenges.
Here are the basic rules of good manners for women. All of them are important and should cover all aspects of life. Signs of good upbringing are the ability to behave, intonation and manner of expression, the ability to dress, an even mood, and the ability to control oneself. A woman should be able to behave delicately in any circumstances, be kind and polite. And the most important thing is to respect yourself and others.
At this age, a woman is more likely to take risks, open up new opportunities, without forgetting the role of security in life. The ideal man for a woman aged 55. A woman of this age - despite appearances - does not slow down and does not underestimate standards. Quite the opposite - sometimes more demanding than before. He is looking for a man who will satisfy her intellectually. Confidence, sense of humor, brilliance.
The women did not race just once, they shared hats and scarves. No woman would dare go to church without a headdress. Nowadays, hats have changed, and hats are mostly worn by older women and all women who care about elegance. They usually own English language. The West claims that in Europe a woman in a hat is a person belonging to the middle class. Hats are also recommended by stylists. They basically define the conditions that a hat must meet in order for a woman to look good.
The ability to behave in society will help you when communicating with people, both in everyday life and at work. And this is the key to your success.
Rules and customs
Everyday Etiquette
About manners
Men and women who have received a good upbringing are distinguished by their knowledge of decency and secular customs, and follow them in all cases of life. It is widely believed that good manners are a sign of moral sophistication, and the absence of manners, on the contrary, is a sign of depravity of nature.
For example, Kendall Farr, a famous American stylist, author of the book, “Your Personal Stylist”: Every hat from a cotton bucket worn in the rain to felt made of wool can create or destroy an image, because it either optically enlarges the head or reduces it its compared to the rest of your silhouette. When you look at fashion, look at a mirror with three wings showing your entire silhouette to make sure it is proportional to your height, figure and overall shape. Look at the sides of the hat and back to make sure you are well represented on each side.
The main signs of good well-mannered person- politeness, courtesy and tact. The behavior of such a person is based on respect for others.
It is completely unacceptable to appear in public with an unkempt head, in a sloppy suit - the toilet of a well-mannered person should always be impeccable.
One should be respectful towards elders. Taking the best pieces from a dish, taking the best place by the fire or lamp when old people are present, or allowing old people to stand when young people are sitting is a sign of very bad upbringing.
In a conversation, you should avoid too many words, explanations, and deviations from the subject. It is very impolite to pick up and twirl everything you come across while talking. A courteous person does not neglect compliments, but gives them gracefully and wisely. A compliment requires sincerity and a fairly large degree of truth; a compliment, while doing something pleasant to the interlocutor, should not humiliate any third party, nor should it be repeated often. When receiving a compliment, it is appropriate to say thank you, even with a simple “Thank you.”
Well-mannered people try not to make noise - it is extremely indecent to hum on the street or in a public place, laugh too loudly, stamp your foot or tap your fingers on the table. But at the same time, whispering and muffled laughter at a party or in public places are also a manifestation of bad manners.
It is very indecent to sit with your legs crossed.
Besides these generally accepted rules, there are also special rules of conduct for men and women.
Good manners in men
A man takes off his hat when entering a house, a store, a bank, a post office, a hotel, and similar places; in addition, he takes off his hat when talking to a woman or a man he respects. When greeting an acquaintance, it is permissible not to take off your hat, but only to raise it.
A man should never, under any circumstances, put his hand in his trouser pocket during a conversation, and even more so, keep his hands in his pockets. The latter is a sign of extreme vulgarity.
In the presence of women, a man should neither sit astride a chair, nor swing his leg, nor throw his head over the back of the chair. If women enter the room, the man should get up and sit down not before they sit down. When the ladies leave, the man must also rise. If the ladies have nowhere to sit, the man always gives them a seat, regardless of their age and social status.
A man always opens the door for a woman and lets her in first.
When offering a hand to a lady, no matter where - on a walk or at a ball - they always offer the right one.
A man should not smoke in the presence of ladies, either at a party, or on a walk, or in a public place. Having met a lady he knows on a walk or in a public place, a man must immediately throw away the cigar - it is not even permissible to hold it in his hand while talking. However, at home among family members, he can smoke as he pleases.
Good manners in women
A woman must be modest and restrained in her actions and words, so as not to give rise to slander, but at the same time she must be bold and firm enough to suppress slander against herself, if it does arise. Even the rudest man will be embarrassed to receive a lesson in politeness taught by a woman with tact; but in order to have the right to give such a lesson, a woman must not herself become the cause of a lack of respect for her.
A well-bred woman avoids frivolous and scandalous conversations. Conversations about feelings and some medical issues are acceptable among women, but never in the presence of men.
When accepting favors and favors from men, a woman should be polite, grateful, but at the same time restrained.
Neither in female nor in male society, nor even alone with herself, a woman can take excessively free poses. It is unacceptable to sit with your legs apart or lounge on the couch.
A woman should not be seen in public with a person visiting bad society, and also should not host it.
A woman should not appear alone at evenings, holidays and public entertainment places. It is best to come with relatives. Married women also come in the company of their husbands. If, for some reason, relatives and husband cannot attend the holiday, it is permissible to accept the patronage of friends or acquaintances. Widows and married women can afford to come in the company of a man if he is a family friend, but unmarried girls must stick exclusively to the company of women.
However, it is much more decent for widows to abstain from social entertainment. A widow who constantly wears dark clothes, does not dance, and lives modestly and quietly, gains immeasurably more respect than one who does the opposite.
Married women and widows can go alone to church, shopping, and visiting close friends. If necessary, they can also make business visits.
Girls can never walk alone. An exception is made only for girls who live by their own labor and, due to the nature of their occupation, are forced to go out alone.
Public relations
Secular relationships are those that arose on the basis of equality as a result of the mutual desire of the parties and without any other reason. Secular acquaintances exchange visits, invitations to balls and evenings and spend time together, following the laws of secular decency.
If the acquaintance is based on some kind of interest and the mutual introduction occurred at the request of the interested party, then this is no longer a social relationship: the person to whom there is a business matter is paid a visit, but he is not obliged to repay it, and the relationship can be terminated immediately after solving a business issue. Sometimes, however, this kind of acquaintance can develop into a social relationship, if this is not prevented by the insignificant position of the petitioner. To change a fleeting acquaintance into a deeper one, the first step must be taken by the one whose position in society is higher.
Business relationships do not require any personal pleasantries. Outside the office, office or other official place, acquaintance ceases, whatever the social status of both acquaintances. When meeting, one should exchange short bows and nothing more.
Relationships between superiors and inferiors
You should never publicly impose your company on a high-ranking person, especially if he is with people of his own circle. There is no doubt that there is much more pride in trying to avoid shame by staying in the background than in trying to take first place.
The relationship between a subordinate and a superior, unless closer connections are mixed in, is based on politeness and decorum. A subordinate, even if he is higher than his superior in wealth and social position, does not speak to him first except about business and does not try to get closer to him. A subordinate cannot sit down in the presence of a superior without an invitation. Always, in all cases, he must show him respect. Respect, modesty and politeness have nothing wrong with them, and they should not be confused with servility, as many mistakenly do.
In turn, the boss, no matter how important and titled he is, must be polite and kind to his subordinates. He can even treat a subordinate as an equal if he deserves such treatment with his intelligence and education, but the subordinate, for his part, should not forget about the difference in mutual positions.
In relations with servants, politeness should also be observed, which, however, should not turn into familiarity. Most of all, you need to try to hide your shortcomings and weaknesses in front of your servants, so that their respect for their superiors does not disappear.
Governesses and teachers living in the house should not be equated with servants. Parents should treat them as family members, and children should show their mentors every respect. However, the latter, for their part, must know their place and be able to become invisible when necessary. Good governesses and teachers do not look at their position as a transitional step to another, more pleasant life; they devote themselves to children and live exclusively for children, not striving either to shine in the drawing room or to dance at balls.
Family relationships
With friends and in the family one should behave with the same restraint as in society: just as strictly monitor one’s dress, manners, and expressions. The only difference is that here you can show more warmth, feeling and constancy, and less sensitivity and pride.
Between husband and wife, brother and sister, uncle and niece, there should always be a sense of distance due to gender differences. Thus, a young girl should treat her father with respect rather than tenderness, and should not kiss him as often as she kisses her mother or sister.
Custom states that the eldest son always enjoys some superiority and authority over the younger children.
A girl who has lost her mother and has not reached the age of twenty-five definitely needs a companion, a respectable lady. In this case, the widower must invite an elderly relative to the house or find another person whose impeccable morality is beyond doubt.
Relationships between men and women
In relations between men and women, on the one hand, modesty is necessary, on the other, respect and consideration. A slight embarrassment and restraint gives a special charm to their communication.
A man must be attentive to women, provide them with services and yield to them in everything. A man's selfishness and indifference should disappear when he is in the company of ladies. Even rich people with servants should prefer to personally serve the women of their circle (for example, wearing their capes, setting up benches, running errands, etc.).
A man is obliged to help a woman in difficulty - no matter whether she is old or young, beautiful or ugly. In response to her expression of gratitude, the man raises his hat and immediately moves away: to impose his company would be indelicate and would look like payment for a service rendered. The woman, for her part, never refuses such small favors and accepts them with gratitude. These relationships do not oblige anyone to anything and do not have the appearance of courtship.
A man accompanying a woman, be it his wife, relative or acquaintance, should not leave her to talk with other women. If he needs to greet another woman, he approaches her along with his companion and introduces them to each other. Under no circumstances should you leave your companion alone with another man, but it is permissible to leave for a few minutes if she is in the company of other men and their ladies.
A man walking arm in arm with a woman he respects should never bow or acknowledge women without social status, especially those who have entered into a reprehensible relationship with a man. Bow, even gaze such a woman is the greatest insult to an honest woman accompanying a man, and in case her companion has forgotten himself to such an extent, she must immediately leave him. A decent woman, having met a man in an ambiguous society, pretends not to notice him, and subsequently never even hints at it to him: such a side of life does not exist for her.
A man who wants to serve a woman accompanied by a gentleman (for example, offer her a chair at a reception where all the seats are already taken) should, in order to avoid trouble, turn to the lady’s companion, and not to her herself.
If a man accompanies several women, his attentiveness, helpfulness, and courtesy should be unlimited.
Representation
IN secular society, if a man wants to meet a certain person, he must find a mutual friend who could introduce him. If you don’t find one, you can introduce yourself, but such an act indicates a very strong desire to get to know each other.
If a man wants to meet a young girl, decency requires that he introduce himself not to her, but to her parents or the lady accompanying her.
When introducing your friends to each other, you should clearly and clearly pronounce their names. First they call the name of the youngest, and then the eldest, men - then women.
Greetings
When entering a public place where everyone is wearing a hat, a man should raise or touch his hat as a general greeting. Women, entering public places, should not make a general greeting.
Having met a woman he knows, the man bows first, and she bows back to him. The bow in this case is not a sign of familiarity, but of respect. There is nothing compromising about it. On the contrary, not bowing to your friend when meeting her in a public place means offending both her and yourself.
Deep bows and curtsies completely fell out of use at the beginning of the twentieth century, surviving only in rare cases: at Court in front of crowned persons or in dances where this is one of the figures. The most decent and graceful bow consists of slightly bending the body forward, and the shoulders should not protrude forward, and the head should be held high. You shouldn't just nod your head - that's vulgar.
Unlike a bow, a handshake is not politeness, but a sign of special favor. To extend your hand means to show your friendship and sympathy. Therefore, young people do not reach out to their elders, but wait for the elders to do it first; in the same way, a subordinate does not extend his hand to his superior first.
The same rule applies to kisses that women exchange when meeting: a young girl should not be the first to kiss an elderly lady, but wait until she expresses such a desire.
Handshakes between a man and a woman are unacceptable in society, in the eyes of the world, but are allowed in private and family life between those who sincerely want to express their heartfelt affection to each other. Women offer their hand, men extend it. There is a very important difference here: women give what men will forgive, so the woman offers her hand with her palm down, and the man asks to be given his hand, and therefore extends his hand with his palm up.
The officers greet each other by saluting. The junior rank raises his hand with an open palm to the band of his cap, and the palm should not be visible. The senior in rank responds by either saluting in exactly the same way, or only touching the visor of his cap with two or three fingers.
Naval officers traditionally remove their hats as a sign of greeting.
Titles
In conversations between people who know each other well, it is customary to call each other by name and patronymic, and not by rank. If titled persons are present, for example, a count or a prince, then men who are not briefly acquainted with them address them with the title “Your Excellency,” while ladies can simply call them “count” or “prince.” In the same way, ladies call their wives “Countess” and “Princess,” while men call them “Your Excellency.”
When addressing a prince or count in a business conversation, everyone, even ladies, calls them “Your Excellency,” since business visits exclude any shortness.
Persons up to the rank of state councilor are called “high nobility”; a state councilor is already called “high nobility”. An actual state councilor is called “your excellency”, and a privy councilor, an actual privy councilor or holding the post of minister is called “your excellency”. Letters to officials and titled persons are addressed in the same way.
As for the military, the established form of address to chief officers is “your honor”, to staff officers - “your honor”, to major generals and lieutenant generals - “your excellency”, and to full generals - “your excellency” "
The metropolitan, both in writing and in conversation, is called “your eminence”, the bishop – “your eminence”, the archimandrite and archpriest – “your eminence”, the priest – “your reverence”. Abbots are called “father abbot” or “your reverence.” Abbess - “mother abbess” or mother such and such, adding her name.
When addressing persons of the reigning house, the sovereign and empress say “Your Imperial Majesty.” The Grand Duke, Grand Duchess, Prince or Princess of the Blood is addressed as "Your Imperial Highness" if they bear the title "Imperial", or simply "Your Highness" - if this title is not assigned to them.
About photographic cards
You should never offer your card to anyone unless asked for it. If a woman asks a man for a photo as a souvenir, he should immediately fulfill this request, as if feeling flattered by this honor. The card must be of such a format that it fits into an album. A man should not give a woman a photograph of himself in a negligee or one that depicts him in a too casual pose.
A man, out of politeness, is obliged to ask a woman for a card, who usually refuses him this. A decent woman will not allow men to have her photographs, except in special cases due to age, relationship and position. A young girl should never give her card to any man except her fiancé.
Living in the light
Invitations
Everyone with whom the hosts have friendly or social relations should be invited to balls and large receptions. Nothing can be more offensive than finding out about a holiday to which you were not invited. The invitation is always sent to the head of the family or its eldest member, but it mentions all family members who are old enough to attend. To invite just one member of the family or to instruct someone other than the head of the house to convey the invitation to everyone else would be a complete violation of social decency. Invitations must be written, and they are sent by mail or by a footman.
Invitations to a small meeting and a “cup of tea” are made only to a select circle of friends. In this case, you can invite both in writing and in person.
Techniques
At the beginning of the reception, the hosts greet the guests at the door and greet them with a few polite phrases.
No matter how many guests gather, the hosts must keep everyone occupied and not forget anyone, regardless of age, gender or social status. Observing everyone, being able to notice boredom and awkwardness and smooth it out in time, involving each guest in an interesting conversation - this is the duty of a hospitable host. In no case is it permissible to devote oneself to only one guest, and in the same way it is not permissible to leave guests alone in the living room. It is also indecent to read in the presence of guests or do handicrafts.
In turn, guests are content with the amount of attention that the host can give them and do not claim more. To behave differently, that is, to demand exclusive attention to oneself, is only appropriate for those who stand on the upper steps of the social ladder.
Before leaving the reception, you need to find the hosts, say goodbye and thank you for the pleasant time spent. Young men should not overstay their welcome or be the last ones in a house where there are young girls, as this may be misunderstood.
Visits
Visits can be social and official. Social visits - when guests come to visit their friends with whom they have social relations.
When entering the living room, you should first greet the hostess of the house, then the rest of the family, and then the familiar persons present. The hosts invite the guests to sit down and begin a conversation.
When another visitor arrives, you should sit for a few more minutes, and not say goodbye immediately, so that leaving does not look like an escape. However, you should not wait for the departure of the guest who arrived after you. This rule must be observed even in a friendly circle, because it may happen that the newcomer wants to tell the owners something confidential.
When saying goodbye after a visit, visitors bow first to the owners of the house, and then to other guests, if they know them. The mistress of the house does not see off the guest's departing guests, but the owner accompanies them to the door.
If a man accompanies a woman to a person whom he does not personally know, the woman must first of all apologize to the owners for deciding to bring her companion into their living room, and then introduce him. The owners should immediately take special care of their new acquaintance. However, such a visit should not last too long.
When a person arrives in a foreign city, he makes his first visits. And city residents, paying courtesy for courtesy, should be the first to invite him to their evening or to a ball.
Visits are called official when you need to make a request. It is more decent for husband and wife to make such visits together. If the person to whom you intend to make a request is for some reason unable to receive guests, you should immediately leave, inquire when you can come again, and strictly adhere to the instructions received. When making your request, you should be as brief and clear as possible. Deft, moderate flattery will not hurt, but excessive praise and worship can completely ruin the matter. In the same way, it is dangerous to go to the opposite extreme and try to express one’s own superiority.
Balls
Before holding the ball, it is necessary to prepare the house accordingly. All furniture is removed from the room intended for dancing, leaving only armchairs and soft chairs along the walls. Card tables are set up in one of the adjacent rooms, and a buffet is set up in the dining room.
As guests arrive, decorum requires that the hosts greet them at the door. After the music starts, the hosts move into the ballroom, and late guests themselves seek them out to pay their respects.
Decency dictates that the master of the house and his sons dance at least once with all the ladies present. This duty cannot be violated. First of all, the owners invite the most important ladies.
Whatever the moral qualities of a man, at the ball he must forget about them and remember that he is only a dancer and an amiable gentleman. He can invite those ladies in whose houses he is received; if he wants to dance with an unfamiliar lady, he should first ask the hosts of the ball to introduce him. It should be remembered that a dance partner is chosen unnoticed - it is extremely indecent to look at women from head to toe with a close, appraising gaze.
If the lady agreed to the invitation, you should politely thank her. If she refuses, you should accept the refusal with a polite smile and immediately leave.
A gentleman who invites a lady and forgets to find her before the dance begins is unforgivably rude and exposes himself to the danger of being insulted by the lady's father or companion. A good memory is essential at the ball.
Having invited the lady in advance, the gentleman approaches her at the very first bars of the dance and bows; she gets up and accepts his offered right hand in order to reach the place from where they will dance. When dancing, the gentleman should not hug his lady if she is a girl, but his hand should touch the middle of her back at the waist. Dancing with married woman It is allowed to put your hand around her waist. It is very vulgar to waltz without holding your lady's hand or holding her hand to your side. During the dance, you should look into each other's faces, smiling, but you should not look around or at other dancers. During slow dances, you can also talk, but without familiarity and special animation: it will be most decent if the conversation is about the most ordinary subjects, and moreover, you must very carefully avoid the slightest slander. At the end of the dance, the gentleman again offers the lady his right hand, takes her to her place and bows. She also bows to him.
There is an indispensable rule that a man dance at least once during the ball with the mistress of the house and her daughter. Another rule states that one should not dance with the same lady more than three times during the evening, unless she is the wife of the gentleman or his fiancée.
The dancing lady is obliged to accept without choice all those who invite her: under the pretext of fatigue, refusing one and at the same time accepting the invitation of another, she risks incurring significant troubles. In the same way, it is careless and risky to confuse the gentlemen through forgetfulness, and having promised one, to dance with the other. Although this often happens completely involuntarily, it may seem offensive to the forgotten, and it is better, if possible, to avoid any misunderstandings that make an unpleasant impression. If the lady is tired or in mourning, or there are other reasons preventing her from dancing, the refusal should be expressed in a soft, delicate form.
Ladies who are not invited by anyone should not be visibly angry about this, but try to strike up a conversation with a neighbor so as not to let their embarrassment be noticed. One of the duties of the mistress of the house is to provide gentlemen to ugly and inconspicuous ladies. This responsibility requires tact and delicacy. First of all, in this case, they turn to their closest friends. It is also necessary that the lady does not guess about such a forced invitation and does not feel her pride is offended.
Young girls, when not dancing, should sit next to their mother or the married ladies accompanying them. It is indecent to be away from them, much less in another room. Whispering and laughing with a gentleman behind a fan is also a sign of very bad taste.
It is indecent for girls and young people to play any card games at a ball.
Home evenings
Home evenings, when guests are simply invited “for a cup of tea,” are usually very pleasant. Ease and freedom set guests in the most cheerful tone. Close friends of the house help the hostess receive less intimate guests, keep them occupied and generally enliven the society. If there are no strangers and a circle of old acquaintances has gathered, then they take up parlor games, cards, and music. If the number of guests is large, you can arrange dancing. Sometimes at such evenings there are poetry readings or amateur performances. At the end of the evening, dinner or one tea with tartines and biscuits is served. If there are few guests, the hostess pours the tea herself, and her daughters pass the cups to the guests and serve them tartines. If the guests are numerous, then the tea is served by servants.
Life outside home
In the church
Respect for a sacred place and the concentrated mood in which one should be when visiting a church are inevitably reflected in the manners and bearing of a well-bred person. You need to enter the church slowly, without jostling, without disturbing anyone’s peace with your appearance and without drawing general attention to yourself. Needless to say, it is reprehensible to whisper during a service or make any comments about those present. It is also indecent to turn around, spin, and touch your neighbors.
At the end of the mass, when approaching the cross, one must first kiss the cross, then the hand of the clergyman performing the service.
You should not bow to the ground in front of the icons for too long so as not to delay the rest of the pilgrims.
When visiting churches of other faiths, you need to carefully look at how those around you behave and not draw their attention to yourself, acting as if you were in your own church. This is required by respect for someone else's religion and other people's rituals and the awareness of the presence of God in every temple, no matter what denomination this temple belongs to.
In the theatre
In the theater one should behave as decently and well-mannered as in a secular drawing room. The main and most important condition for all theater visitors is the observance of strict silence. Only men applaud - no well-bred woman would allow herself such a noisy display of approval.
On the street
You should walk down the street with an even and measured gait, with a confident step. It is extremely rude to move from the right, then to the left, then in the middle of the road - you need to stick to the right side in order to avoid colliding with oncoming people. Since the man always gives the lady his right hand, she is thus on the most convenient side of the road and is not subject to shocks. On stairs, the preferred side is at the railing, but you can also stay on the right side.
Acquaintances you meet need to bow.
If you accidentally push someone on the street, you need to apologize to him - even if this passer-by is a stranger and is at a low level of society.
It is impolite to stare at passersby. It is also impolite to look into windows, but if you happen to see a friend in a window, of course, you need to bow to him.
When entering the door, you should hold it open until the one who enters next is able to hold it himself. The man also holds the door open the entire time the woman passes and lets her pass first.
Having decided to rest and sit on a bench or chair, which are placed on the streets on public festivities, you should choose a place so as not to end up in anyone’s way and not to sit too close to people already sitting who can be embarrassed by this. It is very impolite to sit with your back to people passing by. Good tone also instructs those sitting to stand up when high-ranking persons approach and not to sit down before they pass by or sit down themselves.
Customs when major events life
Engagement and wedding
With a marriage proposal, a man turns to the girl’s father, and not to her mother. Sometimes you can get the consent of the girl herself before this, but this is not always done.
The bride should not be present during negotiations regarding the dowry and other business matters.
It should be remembered that officers are prohibited from marrying before the age of 23. Further, until the age of 28, officers can marry only with the permission of their superiors and only if they provide property security belonging to the officer, the bride, or both. In addition, the bride must be of impeccable morality: under no circumstances can an officer have a wife who does not meet the standards of the dignity of an officer’s rank. When an officer submits a corresponding application, the regiment commander is obliged to decide the issue of the propriety of the marriage and, if he sees no obstacles to this, present his conclusion to the division commander, who has the right to give final permission.
After accepting the proposal, both families notify their relatives, friends and acquaintances about the upcoming marriage of their son and daughter. Having received such a notice, it must be responded to with warm congratulations, even if someone knew something compromising one side or the other - such messages never bring any benefit, but only create quarrels and enmity.
The engagement takes place in the house of the bride's parents, and usually no strangers are invited to the engagement, but only close relatives of both families.
The groom has the right to appear to his bride at any time, which is essentially quite shy, and sensitive people never abuse this right. It is not customary to leave a young couple alone; either the mother of the family, or another relative, or at least a friend must be with them at all times. The groom can bring flowers, sweets and fruits to the bride as a gift at least every day, but it is not appropriate to give very valuable things often. It is not customary to give the bride linen, dress material, silver or dishes, but you can give her precious jewelry, rare porcelain, very expensive fur, etc. luxuries, not necessities.
As a sign of attention to the groom, the bride may pin flowers from his bouquet to her dress, but she should not allow any familiarity other than a respectful kiss on the hand or forehead. In response to the groom's gifts, the bride can give him a medallion with her portrait or other trifle, but she does not give him valuable gifts.
If the wedding is upset after the exchange of gifts, then both parties usually return them to each other, although decency obliges only the one who first broke off the relationship to return them. However, the other party rarely keeps things obtained under conditions that have ceased to exist. If a man subsequently marries someone else, then under no circumstances should he send invitations to the wedding of the one he refused.
On the wedding day, the bride and groom do not see each other until they meet in church. The bride leaves only when the groom's best man comes to her with a bouquet from him and a notification that the groom is already waiting in the church. The bouquet sent by the groom must be of white flowers.
The wedding ceremony takes place in the church.
Decency requires that the young people be among the last to leave the church, in order to find all the guests at home and accept their congratulations.
After the wedding, visits are usually made to family, friends and acquaintances. If the newlyweds go on a trip immediately after the wedding, then these visits are made after their return.
Funeral and mourning
Having received an invitation to the funeral, close friends should immediately respond with a letter full of the warmest sympathy and condolences. Having learned about the death of even your worst enemy, you should go to his burial, for death smoothes out all enmity and pacifies all anger.
The funeral service for the deceased takes place in the church; however, in some cases the priest may perform the funeral service for the deceased at home or in a cemetery. After the funeral service and burial, it is proper for the relatives of the deceased to arrange a wake.
When expressing condolences, one should show one's sympathy and grief with tact and skill, but not exaggerate the sadness and despair that the bereaved must feel. Rather, one should try to console in a delicate way, and not to irritate a still open wound.
The deepest mourning is observed by the widow of the deceased. She is in mourning for less than a year, but can extend this period to two years. For the first six months she wears deep mourning - that is, all dresses and all details of the toilet are only black. A long black veil is required. No jewelry is allowed; the only thing you can wear is things made of coal. For the next six months, the widow wears ordinary mourning - all dresses and details of the toilet are black, but you can do without a long black veil. After this, she can switch to semi-mourning, when gray and white colors are mixed with black. It is indecent for a widow to enter into a new marriage earlier than in a year.
A widower's mourning is half as long - it lasts only six months and consists of a black hat band, a black suit and gloves. After six months, a widower can marry, but it is more decent to extend the period of mourning than to shorten it.
Mourning for father and mother lasts a year, with the following divisions: six months of deep mourning, three months of ordinary mourning, that is, without a hat band or a long veil, and three months of semi-mourning. For grandparents, they mourn for six months - three months deep and three months semi-mourning. For my aunt and uncle - three months, for my brother and sister - six months. For distant relatives, mourning is granted depending on the relationship that was maintained with them. Mourning for children depends on the feelings of the parents.
In deep mourning, they do not go to any public or entertainment places, and even rarely visit their closest relatives and friends. During ordinary mourning, one can go for walks and visit friends, and during half-mourning it is permissible to attend lectures, exhibitions, and home evenings. They go to receptions, balls and theaters only after they have lifted their mourning.
If the family is in deep mourning, then weddings cannot be held; they are postponed until the end of the period of mourning. It is permissible to get married during half-mourning, and in this case, the person entering the family also puts on half-mourning the day after the wedding.
Letters during mourning are written on paper with a black border.
Life of an officer
Every officer is brought up in the idea of the nobility and honor of his mission - to fulfill his military duty to the Motherland. Taking the oath in the temple or in front of the regimental altar, the officer swears to fulfill his official duties with full effort, having in mind exclusively the benefit of the state, not sparing life for the good of the Fatherland, and not to violate this oath for the sake of self-interest, kinship, friendship and enmity.
The most important concept for an officer should be his honor. Officer's honor means the good reputation that an officer enjoys, the general trust in his truthfulness and fairness. Therefore, every officer must be a model of honesty and integrity; It is strictly forbidden to commit actions that, even indirectly, could cast a shadow on the officer’s uniform. The concept of the honor of his regiment is closely connected with the honor of an officer - by dropping his honor, a person is dropping not only his personal dignity as an officer, but also the honor of the entire regiment, betraying the glorious military traditions of the regiments of the Russian army.
We should never forget the simple truth that in order to have authority, the commander must first of all be morally impeccable.
Violation of the oath by an officer is regarded as dishonor and cannot be tolerated in society, no matter what considerations the person who violated the oath may have. To retreat from the oath is as unthinkable and shameful as, for example, to show cowardice on the battlefield.
Subservience to superiors and denunciation are incompatible with officer honor. A person who violates this rule receives the greatest contempt from his comrades. A real officer knows how to repay his boss all his due duty and at the same time behaves with a proud consciousness of his dignity as an officer.
The most important matter for preserving officer honor is, of course, a duel. An officer's court may even raise the question of expulsion from the regiment in the event that it is discovered that the officer, while defending his honor or giving satisfaction to the insulted, did not show a true sense of honor and personal dignity, but showed only an effort to maintain form.
Relations between officers of different branches of the military are usually not without some sense of competition, but they should always remain fairly respectful. It is unacceptable to show alienation or hostility in this case.
There is a tradition according to which an officer promoted to the next rank is given new shoulder straps by his comrades.
All officers and military officials are prohibited from being members of political parties and organizations formed for political purposes. These rules also apply to retired officers who have the right to wear a uniform. In non-political societies, officers can be members with the permission of their superiors.
