They die more often than women after the death of their spouses. This conclusion was reached by the staff of the Rochester Institute of Technology. As it turned out, among them the corresponding risk was increased by 30 percent. I would like to see some romance in this sad fact, but the reason for such a mortality rate among widowed men is most often not love affection, and in severe stress and lack of habit of managing everyday life.

Men killed mammoths, obtained food, made fires and defended their homes. Men continue to earn money, protect and light the stoves. But bear the burden of home and social life alone they refuse. A wife can nag, gnaw, bother, she can be the cause of all the misfortunes in plaintive conversations with friends. But for a man, his wife is physically and emotionally closer than anyone else around him. The loss of such a universal person is a severe blow to a man’s health.

— Men are more concrete, tougher, so breaking their usual way of life is much more catastrophic for them. If people have lived a long time, usually the wife is a source of emotions and vital energy for the husband. And a man, left alone, finds it much more difficult to find an emotional replacement. The situation is also aggravated by the strong attitude of men that they cannot show their weaknesses. They cannot admit that they feel bad without a wife, that they are accustomed to a bunch of household chores that make up the joys of everyday life. Due to their unwillingness to admit their weakness, they often break down,” comments Eva Veselnitskaya, full member of MAISU (ICCIA), teacher, writer, psychologist.

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Professor Javier Espinoza, who conducted a study at the Rochester Institute, analyzed married people born in the 1910-1930s. “Men are often unprepared for the death of their wife. Therefore, her loss greatly affects their health, because wives, as a rule, monitor the physical and emotional state of their spouse.”, he explained the results. Whatever one may say, if you want to live, take care of the woman.

According to Eva Veselnitskaya, women are able to come to terms with the loss of a spouse, thanks to their psychological flexibility and high level of adaptation to difficult life situations. Due to the dominant reliance on emotions and feelings, women adapt more easily. However, when women lose their children, they break down more often. They experience the death of a child more than the loss of a man.

After studying information on 69 thousand mothers aged 20 to 50 years, scientists found that if a child dies, the risk of death of the mother increases by 133 percent, and this risk is especially high in the first two years after the death of the child. Causes of death, sex of the child, marital status, income, and mother's education had no influence on this relationship.

While some scientists were figuring out how and why men and women react to the loss of loved ones, other scientists wondered what happens in the human body and why grief can literally kill. It turned out that during stress, the human body produces a large amount of adrenaline, the release of which leads to a narrowing of the arteries. And impaired blood circulation can lead directly to the formation of blood clots and a heart attack. Yes, loss loved one increases the risk of heart attack by 21 times. Such data was previously reported by the BBC.

Among patients, 13.6 percent had lost a significant other in the six months before their heart attack. The risk of an attack increased sharply on the first day after the psychological shock. Only after seven days did it begin to gradually subside.

Everyone has their own individual reserve of strength, the ability to survive, grow stale and not fade away. There are those who become stronger when broken: they discover that, being broken, like the branches of a tree, they can continue to live in the other direction. So, having lost his beloved wife Cassandra Harris, Pierce Brosnan got out of depression thanks to his role in the next James Bond film. It was the actor’s wife who contributed creative development Brosnan. Perhaps his decision to continue living and acting in films is a tribute to memory, a sign of respect and gratitude to Cassandra.

The work also helped actor Keanu Reeves cope with the loss. In 1999, he was preparing for his wedding to Jennifer Syme and the birth of their child. A week before giving birth, Jennifer suffered a miscarriage. Alcohol and drugs—and it was with their help that Jennifer tried to cope with the loss—only accelerated the departure of the actor’s fiancee. She died in a car accident.

Finally, Yoko Ono: John Lennon's wife chose life. Their intense passion and love is still talked about, but more than 30 years have passed since Lennon’s death, and Yoko lives alone and still honors the memory of her husband. Rethinking life, reassessing values, learning to be different and move on.

It is incredible courage and fortitude to find the ability to live after the most terrible losses.

Love never ends (how to survive the death of a loved one?)

My wife died three and a half years ago. Having recovered a little after the first shock, I began to ask people who had experienced a similar grief, when would this terrible state pass, what am I experiencing now? Some said in a year, others in two years. Time passed, and I kept expecting this to be the case. But after a year there was no improvement, almost nothing changed even after two years. And although the acute phase with sudden emotional influxes has passed, the feeling that you are not at ease has not disappeared. I still looked at the world as if through a haze, everything that was happening around me seemed unreal, and making any plans for life seemed absurd to me. I had the feeling that I had been absent somewhere for a long time and appeared in my hometown when big changes took place there. In appearance everything was the same, but it was different and it was not clear what I was doing here. I felt that my life had stopped and lost all meaning. Paradoxically, I didn’t want to get out of this state at all. I could neither come to terms with the loss nor let go of the image of the person I loved endlessly. One of the psychologists once told me that the memory of my spouse would later become “light sadness,” but it seems that this forecast is not for everyone. Well, what a bright sadness when half of your heart is cut out? It took me three years before I was finally able to find the strength to overcome my personal tragedy. I will try to openly tell you how I got out - with the sole purpose that my experience will be useful to someone. And it will complement what has already been written on this topic.

Dream
K. and I lived together for 15 years. It was a time of absolute happiness. And sometimes I ask myself, why did God give me this love? What did I do to deserve it? K. revealed to me how beautiful and pure the relationship between a man and a woman can be, and what a bright, indescribable feeling around which life on earth revolves can be. A year and a half before her death, I dreamed of K. when I was on another business trip (due to my profession, I had to travel a lot around the country). “In two years I will die,” she said then in a dream. I already knew that she had cancer, but she had surgery and, as the doctors said, on time, and suddenly such a turn. I began to argue with her in a dream, to prove something, and she silently looked at me and finally said, “in two, maybe in three.” I was as happy as a child, as if this had fundamentally changed something. As a psychiatrist later explained to me, a very wise man by the way, and who later helped me a lot, this dream could have been caused by my internal fears and worries, since according to statistics, cancer patients usually live after surgery for 5 years, rarely 7 years, well , and those who are unlucky with immunity - even less.
You can argue with this, but the fact remains a fact.

When I returned home, I didn't say anything to her. And I didn’t even tell anyone about it until her death. I don't believe in dreams. Her tests were excellent, she underwent all the necessary examinations, and felt great. But in my head, against my will, the countdown started. How to convey this state when you have to live with the sword of Damocles over your head? You begin to appreciate every moment of life next to your loved one, forgive him everything, drive away all unkind thoughts from yourself, you cherish every moment of your communication and pray all the time, no matter where you are. And you believe, and you love, and you ask, ask, ask, and hope that now something will change and the harsh sentence will be canceled. And even at the very last moment, when everything around is already clear to everyone, you cannot agree with this loss, you kneel next to the bed and kiss her hands. And you ask for forgiveness, blaming yourself for everything that happened and didn’t happen. Until the thought flashes through your head: “Let her go, you are causing her suffering.” What was the mercy of God if K. died anyway? In this dream. If I hadn't been prepared for this, I would have gone crazy. I've never loved anyone so much.

Feelings of grief
With the departure of your loved one, Eternity opens before you. You cannot come to terms with the idea that he is no longer there (and your feelings do not deceive you). But everyone around you talks about him in the past tense, it’s incomprehensible to you and it seems that those around you have problems in their heads. Suddenly it becomes very obvious that you have a key to another universe, not the one in which you live and have lived until now. And the one in which your loved one now lives. But only you have this key. And you cannot convey it to others, you cannot convey in words what you feel and what seems absurd to others. Sometimes it seems to you that the only way to be close to your loved one is to leave after him. I dare to assure you that this is not so. “If God left me on this earth, then I still have some things to do here, that means new meetings, new discoveries and some other, new life awaits me, which is still hidden from me by the veil of my suffering,” - so I I tried to explain everything to myself and this gave me some strength to start a new day, although I wanted to curl up into a ball and hide in the farthest corner.

It was very difficult for me to understand that my life would never be the same again. Not because a loved one has passed away and the way of life will certainly become different. But because I will never be the same as I was a week, a month, a year ago. I understand now that this was the most difficult thing for me - to come to terms with the idea that she is not there, while in all its completeness and obviousness I feel her invisible presence next to me. For about a year, I couldn’t shake the feeling that I, too, was no longer there. And only my shell walks on the earth, a wound-up doll in which there has been no life, no soul for a long time. And which will be found somewhere in a ditch when the plant runs out.

What is happening to me - I asked myself. But there was no answer. In this state, you do not see yourself from the outside, being in half-oblivion or in some kind of deep mental numbness. But it is clearly visible to others. Here is a typical example. One of my friends' husband died. She has three children. She fell into a stupor. Time passed, her condition did not change. One day her youngest son, who was six years old, asked her: “Mom, show me this man.” “Which person should I show you? Do you want us to go outside and I’ll show you all the people at once?” “No,” answered the child. “You’ll die soon, and I’ll go up to him and say, hello, my name is Vadik, can I live with you?” From that moment on, she realized that she needed to pull herself together and somehow get out.

K.'s death was not the first death in my life. I have lost family and friends before. But I first felt this kind of experience precisely with the departure of K. I tried to read religious literature, but could not find consolation in it. The only book that has helped me is Lewis's The Dissolution of Marriage (and although it is a little different, it gives some new understanding of life and death). But at the same time, at this time, no book can replace human communication, but not formal one. And of course, prayer for you and your own. And nothing can replace the Divine Liturgy. Along with a state of deep depression, for the first two months I experienced a state of amazing euphoria or ecstasy. I did not take any tranquilizers and without drinking alcohol, this state came on its own, and always unexpectedly. It felt like you were at the pinnacle of bliss. The terrible melancholy was suddenly replaced by this insane joy, for which there was absolutely no reason. But having reached its highest point, the joy gradually subsided and I again felt how bottomless my grief was and how empty my soul was.

1. Absent-mindedness. In the first days I lost the ability to distinguish the difference between banknotes. Three thousand and 10 thousand rubles meant about the same amount to me. And when, much later, I saw the figure that I had to pay for the funeral, I was shocked.

2. It was very difficult for me to force myself to say the words “she died.” I found it incredibly difficult to change my wedding ring from my left ring finger to my right. But when I finally did it (3 months later, at the insistence of the doctor), it became much easier for me.

3. I have developed an absolute aversion to lying. I suddenly began to feel so acutely when another person was lying that it became unbearable. For the same reason, it became impossible to watch TV or communicate with those people whom I had previously tolerated.

4. I was tormented by bewilderment why my misfortune did not concern others, even close people. It seemed to me that they were indifferent. When the troubles with the funeral were over, I suddenly found myself completely alone “in an open field.” I had the feeling that everyone was shying away from me like I was a leper. Although this was not the case.

I didn’t understand why no one had the warmth to somehow support or at least listen to me. And I almost physically suffered from it. The phone suddenly went completely silent. But you can't blame others for this. No one teaches or prepares us to help each other in such a state. In my case, one friend with whom we regularly communicated, upon learning about K.’s death, simply disappeared from my life for about six months. I didn’t react to it at the time, but now I understand that it was the best thing he could have done for me then. People did not know how they could help; figuratively speaking, it turned out to be beyond their competence. And I am grateful to them at least for the fact that they were not hypocrites.

In fact, the best help is to simply take a person by the hand and say, “tell me about her (him). Tell me what she was like, what she loved, what you remember most from your life, how she fought to the end, why you didn’t give up, didn’t let your nose go?” This sincere, confessional-like story would bring extraordinary relief to my soul. But on the other hand, this help should not be intrusive. I don’t know how to find this border.

5. My life was divided into two parts: day and night. At night, depression passed into an acute phase. At work, I still somehow held on (by the way, my productivity dropped by half), but as soon as I came home and fell out of the usual routine of life, I literally began to crawl along the wall, not knowing what to do with my rebellious soul. A few years before, one man told me that his friend’s wife had died and for two months he had been drinking and crying all the time. The widower was 42 years old. I remember I was surprised that he was killing himself like that, because his whole life was ahead of him. But now I understand it. I woke up in the middle of the night and couldn't sleep. And then I began to read the psalter. This was an urgent need of the soul. One or two kathismas in the middle of the night calmed me down and I fell asleep again.

At first, as soon as I closed my eyes, a dark corridor appeared in front of me, along which I had to walk. At the end of the corridor I saw a white door with a gilded handle in monograms. I walked along this corridor, and on its walls, like cartoons, the events of the day flashed. And I couldn’t stop all this with a simple effort of will. Each time I came closer to this door, but what was most annoying was that it was locked and I felt it. When I told this to a psychologist at the clinic, she prescribed me some antidepressants and the door and corridor disappeared, to my relief.

6. The need for provocation.
You gradually begin to understand that you live by inertia, like an automaton. That your feelings are plastic, your words are false, your actions are provocative. You feel that your life has changed. What real life- where your loved one went. And that she is in the past. You seem to live with everything that you had before her death. But here, in the present, there is only cinema. The future seems like a complete “black hole” to you.
You begin to unconsciously provoke other people with the hope that you will be insulted, that they will lash out at you, that nervous stress will occur. It seems to me now that in this way the psyche is unconsciously looking for evidence that you are still alive.
Thus, I had a conflict with my boss and as a result I lost my job. Now I am sure that this was a provocation on my part, and under other circumstances I would not have allowed it.

7. Diseases.
In three days after the death of my beloved, I lost five kilograms. You need to be prepared for the fact that all your long-standing illnesses will worsen due to the stress you have experienced. Some may “explode” even after six months. I don’t know where my strength came from these days, because I ate almost nothing and didn’t sleep. Six months later, a real disaster happened to me - terrible pain in the spine, as a result of which I found myself bedridden for two months. This did not add optimism, especially if we add to this the loss of my job.
I didn’t know if I would ever be able to get out of bed, walk and run like before, take care of myself, and work. I experienced absolutely insane pain at the slightest movement, and cried from powerlessness like a child. As a result, I found myself in a completely pitiful state: lonely, sick, deeply depressed and without a job. A 45-year-old man who until recently was sailing through this life under full sail and making some plans.

Exit option

Prayer
I don’t know if I could return to normal life and find joy in my soul again if I were an unbeliever. I worked in an Orthodox organization and my colleagues prayed for me. I felt it very well. It was real, irreplaceable support.
The monastery provided me with absolutely invaluable help in restoring balance in my soul, where I began to come every time for several days. This prayerful mood, a completely different spiritual atmosphere, simply being among people who decided to devote their lives to God, long services had an irreparable impact on my spiritual wound.
The abbot of the monastery - a fairly wise man - answered my question this way when I asked why God took K., but at the same time left me? “Because she is ready. But you haven’t yet.” I said that I constantly feel emptiness in my soul and next to me and I can’t do anything about it. “This emptiness will gradually heal by itself, it just takes time,” he answered.

Diary
My personal diary helped me a lot. Every day I wrote down my experiences and this helped me not only to speak openly about everything that tormented me, but also, looking back, to comprehend what was happening to me. You mentally talk with a person close to you and it seems to you that he hears you, and that you are no longer alone with your grief. On the other hand, when after a while you re-read these entries, it brings peace to your soul.

Music
I discovered that music can not only soothe the soul, but also serve as a kind of test for the phase of grief you are experiencing. For me, such a test was the famous hit “Hotel California”. At first, as soon as I turned on this song, tears flowed from my eyes in streams against my will. When it stopped, I realized that the acute phase had passed. Most of all, Oleg Mityaev’s songs had a calming effect on me. Maybe because they have, it seems to me, some kind of repentant note.

Now that everything is behind me, I understand that these three years were probably the most difficult period in my entire life, although I had quite a lot. But by the grace of God I did not despair, I did not get drunk and did not go crazy, I found new job and managed to return to a full life. Love now lives in my heart, and in my soul there is a feeling of inner freedom and joy. New horizons of life have opened up for me; many of life’s problems and fears, which once worried me so much, have ceased to exist and seem ridiculous. I regained the fullness of life, only now I learned to appreciate every moment of it, every moment of communication with other people, every moment of happiness.

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Hello, dear community members.

I am 32 years old, I am a widower, I have two children: the youngest is 3 years old, the oldest is 5 years old. I lost my wife about three years ago, when the youngest was 3 months old.

Now I live with my parents and children.

Relationships with parents.

When my wife died, my mother came to me from another city, even another country (CIS). My father arrived a little later, about six months later: he had to finish his business there, sell real estate, etc. Until dad arrived, mom and I had a pretty good relationship. A stressful situation was taking its toll: experiencing the death of a loved one, holding a baby in arms, an older child also with a lot of problems - the “incomprehensible” disappearance of the mother, jealousy of the younger one, etc. And this united us.

It so happened that when my father moved, my dad took more care of the younger one, and my mother took care of the older one. There are both positive and negative aspects to this division. I saw more positive ones, so I didn’t interfere with this conditional division. I myself also did not refuse to take care of children, but since I work, the children spent many times more time with their grandparents. Over time, the eldest began to call his grandmother mom, and when the youngest spoke, he joined in. For children, our family seems natural, as long as “unnecessary” questions are not asked.

When my father moved, my relationship with my mother gradually deteriorated. There were fewer unifying factors, and life was getting better.

My parents are already over 65. And of course it’s already difficult for them with children preschool age study. And it’s hard for them to learn something and they don’t have such a desire. They don’t even want to just read a book. I once specially bought a paper by Yu. Gippenreiter “Communicate with a child. How?". (Although I usually read electronic ones myself). But a maximum of 3-5 pages were read and abandoned. At the same time, they constantly solve crosswords and watch the news 8-10 times a day, which means they have free time. On the one hand, of course, I can’t force them to do anything and I shouldn’t, they help me voluntarily, and at least that’s it. On the other hand, they constantly make complaints about the behavior of children. Although this behavior is provoked by their own methods of education. In my opinion, many aspects of children’s behavior could be corrected with little effort, but I can’t influence this much, since I work and children spend most of their time with their parents.

Against this background, I quite often argued with my parents (without incidents). But over time, I somehow tried to minimize conflicts and managed to achieve some success in this direction. But in any case, being at home is painful and unbearable for me. And while it was summer, I tried to constantly get out somewhere with the children. We have a big city, many parks. I even made a minimum program for myself - to visit all the parks in the city. And we constantly went out somewhere, even sometimes after work we went out for 30-40 minutes to be with the children and not at home. In winter it is more difficult to have such leisure time. And children often get sick in winter. So it’s hard for me at home in winter. In general, I like being with children, but I cannot tear children away from their parents, since I completely depend on them in everyday life. But it’s not possible to influence our relationship in any way. Therefore, we can only come to terms with this situation.

Here I also need to add that while reading the community, understanding parent/child relationships, I came across the book “Toxic Parents” by S. Forward. At the beginning of the book, she has a list of 27 questions, of which I answered positively to 19. And the author writes that this book can help you if you answered positively to at least a third. In general, until this moment it seemed to me that we had an average Soviet family and everything was about the same for everyone. But when I asked my work colleagues to answer these questions, most of them had 5-7 positive answers, only one had 15.

The book gave me a new perspective on my parents, especially the role of a father. But in any case, it is almost impossible to work on relationships with parents in conditions of complete dependence on the organization of my children’s everyday life. Any discussion on this topic ends with a phrase from the mother like: “You are ungrateful, after everything we have done for you,” with the tacit consent of the father...

Life after the death of a spouse.

In general, the first hours after my wife’s death I was at a loss, but still, having collected my thoughts, I decided that if I didn’t pull myself together now, then no one would even be able to bury her properly. Therefore, the tactic was chosen to discard all other thoughts for the next three days and organize a funeral. With the help of friends everything turned out successfully. And such an approach (discard everything and start solving a specific problem) was very helpful and decisive in the next 1.5-2 years. These tasks ranged from simple ones, such as getting through the weekend (since on weekends there are more negative thoughts at home, everything reminded you of your spouse, and at work your mind is busy - it’s easier) to more complex ones: registering a child in kindergarten, move parents, sell property in their city, buy here, etc. and so on. You could even say that I lived for the sake of solving these problems, since solving them gave positive emotions. Over time, such “tasks” became fewer and less significant. And since significant tasks gradually disappeared, the meaning of life began to gradually disappear, because the solution of these “tasks” lay in the solution. But it’s not that the meaning of life is completely lost, but the meaning of an interesting life begins to be lost; that is, what gave me positive emotions, what I drew from, disappeared vital energy. It is clear that I still have a duty - to raise and raise my children, and I am honestly trying to fulfill it and am not going to give it up. But fulfilling this duty does not give such positive emotions that I would like to “live”, which is why my average state is close to despondency. Although it seems that all stages of experiencing grief have been passed to one degree or another.

Life with a deceased spouse.

We were lucky, or we managed to build a fairly harmonious relationship. We really loved each other. Reading the community and understanding the peculiarities of relationships between the sexes, I saw only one risk: we were completely immersed in each other. There was quite a bit of personal space for each of us (but there was some anyway), but this did not bother either of us. We lived a common life, with common friends (mostly), common interests. In any case, after 6 years of dating, nothing changed in feelings and there were big plans. It seems to me that many of my friends have relationships that are much more compromised than ours. And therefore, having lived in almost ideal conditions, now it is more difficult for me to make compromises in relationships with the opposite sex.

Relationships with the opposite sex.

5-6 months after the death of my wife, I decided that I needed to move on with my life. And to live on means to find a new companion. Acute organizational and everyday issues have been resolved. The first experiences of grief have passed. And by that time physiology was already demanding - after the deepest moral shock there was simply an unprecedented surge of strength. I signed up for a dating site just out of curiosity. I wanted to know who could be found there. And after looking through several dozen profiles, I came across one where a girl wrote that she was looking for a single father with a child (children). It seemed to me that there was some kind of catch in this approach. And I wrote to her just to discuss this issue of why she was looking for a single father. She began to answer, even despite the fact that I did not have a photo in the questionnaire, and the questionnaire was practically not filled out. But gradually we started talking, exchanged photos, it turned out that we live nearby, literally 15 minutes on foot, and this is in a city with a population of one million. She had a child between my oldest and youngest. It was hard for both of us to escape from the bustle and find time, but we found time and met several times. It helped that we lived nearby - we could go to the shopping center together, drink coffee at the food court, go to the clinic with the children, etc. The relationship lasted 3-4 weeks. And now the time has come to find time for solitude, but it was so difficult to organize it, having both children of this age in our arms. In the end, somehow it was possible one day. But then I also began to experience household and organizational problems related to the move of my parents and the girl had her own “problems” and our relationship did not continue. For myself, I concluded that such a relationship is clearly not an option in the future. Various things happened with my parents moving, plus there was a blockage at work. In general, in this bustle, I somehow postponed my personal life until “better” times. At least until all issues with the parents' relocation are resolved.

And these so-called “ better times” came about two years later. There were fewer and fewer “global” issues. Free minutes began to appear. I started visiting the dating site periodically. I met a girl. Or rather, she wrote to me, she just registered, saw my profile and immediately wrote. I liked her. We started corresponding. She insisted on a real meeting soon, but I am a supporter of not rushing, getting to know each other better. But they started dating. Again questions arose about how to find time. In addition, just at work another blockage began - we worked without days off for almost a month and a half. She has two daughters: the eldest is 5 years old (like my eldest), and the youngest was 7 months old at that time. Her husband left her in the last months of her pregnancy. Accordingly, it is quite difficult for her and me with a baby in her arms to escape. It was summer, and I used to come just for a walk in the park at lunch or after work near her house. Well, or he could just stop by for tea at lunchtime. Joint leisure with children, among whom the youngest is 7 months old, it is quite difficult to come up with. And for the two of us, it is also limited to a time frame of 2, maximum 3 hours, since the child is breastfed. It didn't come down to sex with her. It was not in her or my interests if we look at the relationship as a long-term perspective. So there were enough signs of acquiring love addiction. Intimacy could simply bring this dependence to a level where all objectivity would disappear. Well, according to the religious beliefs of both of us. (Although, if we wanted, we could make concessions here). The emotions from the relationship went off scale on their own, it was like a drug, a source of positive emotions. These emotions pulled us both out of the cycle of routine and dullness of everyday life. But at the same time we had many small quibbles with each other. In addition, I somehow subconsciously looked for in her the reason why her husband left her, although now I understand that this is stupid. After one of these little niggles on her part, I just analyzed everything again and decided to break it all off. At that moment, it seemed to me that we were simply completely immersed in love addiction, and there were practically no real feelings (Now, six months later, I’m not sure about this). Honestly, there is a feeling that this relationship would be worth trying to reboot again. But I never made up my mind. Many questions...

After that there were more attempts to correspond with someone, but everything was not the same. There was no such interest anymore. As if there is nothing to talk about, you constantly have to look for a topic to talk about. And I gave up these attempts.

In general, as a result of these attempts, the false idea that as soon as I solve all everyday issues, I will immediately create without problems new family and I will live happily again. In reality, everything turned out to be much more complicated. Today I practically don’t believe in the prospect of starting a new family, although I would really like to. Yes, and my children would need this (Although I understand that my desire, and not the children’s needs, should be the determining factor here).

Here's another question that arises? How can I let someone into my life if I myself am not in my life? I live in my parents’ apartment, although I have my own, but I can’t move there because I am completely dependent on my parents in terms of organizing the children’s lives. I can’t find time for personal leisure; I prefer to organize all my leisure time with my children, since they also need it, and no one else will do this except me.

Having lost a loved one, a man may become disillusioned with life, stop noticing other women and generally withdraw into himself. Some even start drinking and smoking, losing themselves to society.

Even after such a serious grief as the death of your wife, try to be yourself, understand that alcoholism will not solve the problem and loved one will not return. Communicate more with different people . Someone will simply listen, and someone will give practical advice on how to survive the death of his wife.

Do what you have to do

So as not to lament the fact that you were unable to honorably see off a loved one on their last journey, approach the organization of funerals and memorials with all seriousness and responsibility, even though you feel very, very bad right now. You must honor the memory of your departed wife, so everything must be organized perfectly.

Your main support is friends and family

Your family will support you at home, calm you down, and your friends will help you disperse. bad thoughts and feel the taste for life again. If some time after the funeral you realize that the past will not let you go, do something with friends or family. There are many options: a picnic with the whole family, a hike in nature with a night bonfire and songs with a guitar, an excursion to a historical museum, a trip to a ski resort, etc..

Redo all unfulfilled tasks and fulfill unfulfilled dreams

This refers to joint affairs that you we once planned together, as well as the dreams that never got around to doing it due to the loss of your fighting friend. This, of course, will not bring your loved one back, but it will definitely help you survive the death of your loved one. You will be able to part with the past painlessly, realizing that nothing is unresolved from your past life there are none left.

Let go of the past

When you realize that you are ready to start living normally after the death of your wife, come to the cemetery, put flowers on the grave, put it in order, clearing it of leaves and dirt. If you are a believer, pray, ask the Lord to look after your loved one in heaven. Say goodbye to your wife, promising that you will visit her, and begin new life– make new acquaintances, trying to improve your personal life, but don’t forget about friends and family.

And you can find yourself a new love on Teamo.ru. After all, this site is intended for serious dating. Its main purpose is to connect the hearts of people, and not just introduce them to each other. And if you still feel that you are not ready to arrange your personal life, do not arrange it. But only don't delay with this, otherwise you may spend the rest of your life alone.